You are listening to My Freedom Grove podcast with Gretchen Hernandez, episode 144.

Welcome to My Freedom Grove Podcast, your calm space for practical help to get your dream business up and running while being authentically you and taking care of your mental health. I'm your host, Gretchen Hernandez. I'm so glad you're here!

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Hi My Strong Friends.  Winter is finally hitting the coast.  It is downright chilly!  Something you might not know about houses at the ocean is they are not built with central heat and air.  Heat comes from fireplaces and plug in heaters.

Last night as I was watching our fire,  I observed the constant change in flames.  Sometimes the flames were barely visible, sometimes they looked like an inferno, and sometimes they were completely uneven.

The fire was always going.  Heat was created.  The fire was doing it’s job.  But it wasn’t always delighting it’s customer…me.

A big, healthy fire is pretty exciting, right?  And it produces more heat, sometimes over delivering on the heat.  But that is better than not giving enough heat.  A tiny fire can only heat one bottom at a time. 

Let’s think about a bonfire at a beach.  If there is just a tiny fire, one or two people may cozy up to it.  But, a big bonfire creates a party.  People are drawn to it.  It creates excitement and fun.  Perfect strangers strike up elated conversations about the spectacular fire.  You can feel the crackle of magic in the air.  The energy it creates is contagious and highly motivating.

What if you thought about yourself and your businesses as the fire?  I’m not talking about a negative fire like a dumpster fire.  I know, some of our brains go there by default.  But not today, my friend.

Today, we’re thinking new thoughts.  We’re creating new patterns.

What if you and your business were a glorious fire?

It would be pretty great, right?  You would attract clients to you.  Your energy would be contagious.  You would be the great motivator.  Clients would flock to you like a huge bonfire party at a beach.

Sounds pretty good, right?

But what if you are low on motivation?  What if you have just enough energy to create small flames.  You keep the fire running, Your business is running.  It’s ok.  But just ok.


The great news is you have influence over your flames.

You can control the size of the flames.

You can bring them down low when you want your business to be mellow.

But you can also Stoke the Flames to create excitement that pulls in a big crowd.

What does it mean to Stoke the Flames?  According to the dictionary, it means to add fuel or feed the fire abundantly.

So what do you do if you find your motivation to stoke the flames is non-existent?  Have you ever felt that way?  Kinda lackluster.  You know those days when you just exist.  You're not sick or feeling bad.  You’re just there.  You find yourself slowly doing the day to day activities.  Basically, you are going through motions.  The flames of your fire are there, but they’re really small.

DECIDE YOU WANT A BIGGER FIRE

You have an image in your mind of the big glorious fire.  Yeah.  It seems nice.  You know the steps to get there.  But, meh.  You could take it or leave it.  Things are ok enough with the small flames.  Your business can do ok.  Nothing is at risk.

The motivation is just not there.

Humans function with a Motivational Triad.  3 things make up motivation. 

1. A desire to avoid pain. 

2. A desire for pleasure.

3. And a desire to conserve energy.

Stoking the flames takes energy, so that’s not motivating.

You’re not in pain, so there’s no motivation there.

That leaves us with pleasure.  Do you have a desire for something pleasurable that results from a large fire?

When you’re feeling meh, your brain is not desiring any additional pleasure.

So now what?  Are you stuck?  Is you business just going to stay a small fire?


That’s where Decision comes in.  It’s the first step.  

Decide you are willing to explore pleasure opportunities to drive up desire for the large fire.

Just to be clear.  This step is not about doing the action of creating the large fire.  You’re not ready for that yet.

This first step is about building up your desire.

Let me share a personal example.  This one isn’t business related, but it will help you understand this concept.

I’ve had weight loss goals all my life.  Sometimes the desire to lose weight was intense.  I was motivated to do the work to achieve the goal.

Five years ago, I learned that my Mindset was getting in the way of losing weight.  I also learned that my mindset was causing my severe depression.  So I spent years redesigning my mindset to reduce my depression.  This also reduces emotional eating.

Unfortunately, some of the mindset shift I had involved body positivity.  I love being a role model for people my size.  I have also come to love my body and appreciate it.  I’ll also add in that all of my medical exams and blood work show everything is working well.

I have no pain to avoid.

And I didn’t have any pleasure to go after.  What I wanted, I already had.

I still had the idea of the goal though.  I wanted to achieve that goal.  It would be pretty cool.

I didn’t have the motivation that created desire.

So last month I made the decision to seek pleasure opportunities.  This was to create my own motivation so I could realize that goal.

Step 1 started - the Decision was made.  I was going to seek pleasure opportunities to drive up my desire for the goal.

Going back to your Business.  Do you want to make the same decision?  Will you decide to seek pleasure opportunities to drive up your desire for that big bonfire?

PLEASURE OPPORTUNITIES

What exactly is a pleasure opportunity?

It’s anything you can experience that will create pleasure for you.

Pleasure releases neurotransmitters in your brain that flood your body.  Dopamine is the most common reward chemical released.  You may have heard me talk about getting a “dopamine hit”

I’ll give a variety of examples of “dopamine hit” activities

• Buying something meaningful for yourself or someone you care about
• Going on a fun, adventurous or relaxing vacation
• Explore new sights
• Stepping up into a new socioeconomic class of experiences
• Philanthropic work
• Gift giving
• Lifting others up
• Belonging 
• Proving you can move mountains
• Receiving an Award
• Being a Role Model or Inspirational Person
• Doing an activity that was previously out of reach
  
  

You can get really creative with your pleasure opportunities.

Have you ever considered an activity to just be available to Other People?

Let’s take an example of going to Fiji.  They have resorts with huts built over the water.  Some of the huts even have a glass floor so you can see into the ocean.

I’ve seen those in movies and commercials many times.  I’d think about how those were for other people.  So, I never allowed myself to desire going there.

I’ve also seen large charity balls.  I’d think that’s for other people too.  It would be great to donate half a million dollars to a charity I believed in.  But that was for other people.  So I didn’t allow myself to desire it.

The thought “that’s for other people” is an optional thought.

In all honesty, both of those could be for me too.  As long as I met their entry requirements, I can belong there.

Just because I didn’t desire it before doesn’t mean it isn’t useful now.

If you are like me, and you’ve made the decision you will seek pleasure opportunities, you can put things like this back in your court.

Those things can be for you.

In fact, anything that you’ve considered was just for other people, can be for you.

Your business is the vehicle that makes it possible.  Your business does not have a glass ceiling like a traditional job.

Everything can be for you.

Let that sink in.

Everything can be for you.

One thing that I used to think was ridiculous was expensive watches.  The goal of a watch is to provide the time, right?  Why would anybody want to spend thousands of dollars on an expensive watch?

I used to be pretty judgy about those watches.  I thought people were just trying to show off.

I had an important shift in the last couple of months.

An expensive watch is a symbol of the person’s achievement of a hard thing.  They may choose to purchase it so they can look down at their wrist and remember that they can do hard things.  A $20 watch is not going to symbolize that.

The expensive watch becomes a motivator to keep doing the hard things. 

It’s not about showing off to anybody.

It’s about reminding the person of what they are capable of.  They couldn’t have purchased that expensive thing if they did not learn & develop their business skills to make that much money in the first place.

You may not be a watch person.  I’m not a watch person either.  I have so many metal allergies, I can’t wear watches.

What would be something symbolic that would represent what you were able to do?

Would it be a plaque on a donated playground?

Would it be an expensive piece of medical equipment for a community hospital in need?

What can you imagine would give you a huge dopamine hit?

Maybe it’s about what you can purchase with the money.

What if you stoked the flames of your business so much, you were able to hire employees to help with all of the demand?

You created jobs.  You get to hand select the people you want to give those job opportunities to.

My husband and I dreamed about a piece of our long term dream.  It included creating job opportunities for homeless LGBTQ+ youth and living quarters.

Can you imagine how full our hearts would feel when that part of the dream comes true?

That’s motivating.

For my weight loss goal, I created several pleasure opportunities.  One is to step into my Future Self.  This summer I was working with a grief coach.  At one point I came up with a vision of me hosting a retreat on a golden yacht.  I know how much elevating your surroundings can do for people’s self concept.  I’d love to provide that experience of luxury.

The universe always aligns things.

In November, I went to the Life Coach Live conference put on by my coach, Brooke Castillo.  She made an offer for a 2 day workshop.  As she listed the things she would teach, I got excited.  4 of those things were on my strategic plan for Q1 2023.  Perfect timing.  And then she threw in the surprise.  One of the days would be capped off with a luxury yacht party.

This was not something Gretchen v1.0 would desire.  However, I’m stepping into a new version of myself AND I was looking for motivation for weight loss.

I decided to use that Yacht for motivation.  It does double duty actually.  It is stoking the flames of my business and my weight loss.

I’m using it as a pleasure opportunity to drive up desire.  I can go experience the yacht.  And benchmark the experience for a possible retreat I may offer in the future.  I will get to experience the self concept elevation my guests could feel.

I’m still pretty shocked by my decision.  Shocked in a great way though.  I needed to discover some motivation.  I needed creativity.  Something that I had never thought about before.

What is something you have never considered for yourself?

How creative can you get?

Go explore your options.  Find the experiences you thought were for “other people”.  Look at it with a fresh perspective.  “That could be for me”.  Say it to yourself enough times and you’ll believe it.

Once your desire for that pleasure opportunity is present, make the Decision.

The theme of Brooke’s Life Coach Live event was “Turn your Desires into Decisions.”

You have to discover your desire first.  Once you have that desire you can make the Decision.

“That pleasure opportunity is for me.  I can stoke the flames of my Business to make this happen.”

MOTIVATION CATALYST

You’re going to notice a phenomenon.  Your motivation creates motivation in other people.

Remember at the beginning of the episode I talked about the Bonfire.

People walking along the beach at night might be feeling calm.  They see a public bonfire.  It sparks their interest a little.

They walk up to see what’s happening.

They wonder if they can be a part of it.

When the Bonfire is big enough, it’s a party.  Everyone is invited.

Those beachwalkers join in.  Their mood elevates.  In fact it elevates to excitement, belonging and possibility.

Your motivation to create that Bonfire becomes the catalyst for everyone else’s Motivation.

What becomes possible when all of the clients of your business are filled with Motivation?

You can start this huge party of motivation.

Close your eyes and imagine the warm glow of all the happy faces around your bonfire.  You did this for them.  Their lives are better because you decided to go find your motivation.

You are the catalyst.

Make the decision. 

Decide you want your business to be a bigger fire.

Decide you are willing to find pleasure opportunities.

Decide that those opportunities are for you.

Decide your business is the vehicle for having those opportunities.

Make the Bonfire.

Be the Catalyst.

What is your Vision for this?

When you include all of these aspects in your Business Vision, you fuel your desire.

This Thursday I’m offering a Vision Workshop.  It’s a free 90 minute workshop to build up your Business Vision for 2023.  It will be full of motivation.  Your Mental Health is very important.  During the workshop we’ll also create a customizable plan for your business to be calm in 2023.

A Calm you as you create that warm, engaging bonfire.

Go save your spot.  You can register at www.myfreedomgrove.com/2023vision

There will be a replay available.  However, you will get so much more out of it if you come live.  We are all going to be on the screen together at the same time.  I will help you find your spark.

This is going to be fun!  I’ll see you there.

Have a great week.  Bye-bye.

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Thank you for listening to My Freedom Grove Podcast. When you are ready to make your dream business a reality and take care of your mental health, I invite you to join the Unshakable Business Co-Lab. This is the mastermind membership you've been waiting for. There's no limits on your imagination, nor your timeline. We're with you every step of the way. To learn more, please visit www.myfreedomgrove.com/join. I'll see you there!