You are listening to My Freedom Grove podcast with Gretchen Hernandez, episode 112.

Welcome to My Freedom Grove podcast. The all inclusive podcast that teaches mindset and business tools. We'll help you rise as your authentic self. Be unshakable with your emotional freedom and unstoppable in achieving any goal and living your purpose. I'm your host, Gretchen Hernandez. If you want to put your mental health first in life, relationships and business, you've come to the right place.

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Hi my strong friends. I'm back from a great trip to Texas. I went to the Life Coach School's Annual Mastermind event. And let me tell you 1500 life coaches in one room. Wow. Talk about the level of positivity. I don't know if you've ever been around positive people, right? I mean, everybody in our lives, everybody's struggling through something. Sometimes people are a little more negative. Occasionally you meet positive people.

Gretchen Hernandez:

What if you were surrounded by 1,500 people that are all positive? That know that there are ways to have a really great existence to enjoy your life or to work towards working through all of your stuff so that you can enjoy your life. That's what it was like. For me, there's so much good vibes in there. 1500 people. I've never experienced anything like that in my whole life.

Gretchen Hernandez:

It all started for me with journaling though, as soon as I found out about life coaching and I started learning the tools from Brooke Castillo on how to manage my mind, I started journaling like crazy.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Now, I hadn't used my journal before that. Because I had a lot of hangups about journaling, but it's really where everything started. And then here I am running my own business. I have my own podcast, I have my own programs and courses, and collaborating with people. And getting ready to launch some retreats later on. All of it started with journaling. And so I want you to also tap into your ability to journal work through whatever you're working through in your life, whether it's a struggle, or if it's some dreams that you want to experience.

Gretchen Hernandez:

And I know not everybody feels comfortable with journaling, so I wanted to invite on one of my good friends and fellow certified life coach. And that is Jen Laffin. Jen is a life coach that specializes in journaling and helping teachers and the general population unlock everything within them and go on a journey of self discovery through journaling.

Gretchen Hernandez:

You'll be amazed at how much you can change your life and possibly start a business as a result of journaling. It is my pleasure to introduce to you Jen Laffin.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Hi Jen. Thank you so much for joining me today.

Jen Laffin:

Well thank you for having me Gretchen. It's great to be here!

Gretchen Hernandez:

I've been looking forward to having my audience hear everything about journaling and how it can really help them to get unblocked and get all of their self expression going. So, Ooh, I can't wait for them to know all about you. So can you please introduce yourself please?

Jen Laffin:

Absolutely. Well, my name is Jen Laffin. I am a writing and mindset coach and I help people uncover their power through writing. And so that's one of the reasons why I'm so excited to talk with you today because I love nerding out about all things mindset and all things journaling. So we're gonna have fun. We're gonna have a lot of fun.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

 

Overcoming Fear of Your Journal Being Discovered

Gretchen Hernandez:

Oh my gosh. When I first started my journey, I hadn't even really journaled much because I was always so scared of writing. Someone might find it, but I had nobody to talk to when I was struggling. I had nobody to talk to. So when I finally decided, okay, I'm gonna try a journal, but I was so scared someone would find it. That journal became like my therapist and my best friend to just like write it all out.

Jen Laffin:

Yes. And that is definitely, definitely a common fear. So maybe we should start there.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Yeah. Yeah.

Jen Laffin:

Is that okay?

Gretchen Hernandez:

Yeah, absolutely. How do you help people to start using journals for any of their self-expression or fears?

Jen Laffin:

Well, first of all, I want your listeners to know that is a very common fear. Because if you truly are going to use your journal as pretty much like a landing space for any and everything that you need it to be, it has to be a place that you trust the process. That you trust that those words are just for you. And I had a client who had this problem and what we talked about was pretty much that you have to set some boundaries for yourself. But also, I have little tips and tricks that I use in my own journal that I'd like to share with your listeners.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Oh Yeah!

Jen Laffin:

If you have somebody who finds your journal and feels like it's okay to read it, that's a whole other problem all together. It has absolutely really nothing to do with your journaling. Right? A couple of tips that I give people are when you start a new journal, skip the first couple of pages. If someone was to find your journal and they would start to flip through it, they're most likely gonna open to the first page or the first couple pages. And if they're blank, they might not go any farther.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Hmm. That's a good idea.

Jen Laffin:

Yeah. And then another tip that I give is write a letter to your spy.

Gretchen Hernandez:

That's great!

Jen Laffin:

For someone who might be spying on you and on your journal and just be like, Hey, these are my private thoughts. I would appreciate it if you would mind your own, and close this and put it down right now. So those are two tips that I give and it seems to help people feel like they have a little bit more a control in the process.

Jen Laffin:

But you know what, there are a million places you can hide a journal. So if you don't, don't let that be the reason why you don't journal. Hmm. Okay. Cause that's an excuse. We don't, you know, we're not gonna be talking about it excuse today. So I.

 

The Purpose of Journals

Gretchen Hernandez:

I love that. Okay. How do people use journals? What do they use them for?

Jen Laffin:

Well, I think there are two different kinds of journalers that I want to talk about today. The first are the surface journals and those are the people who are like dear diary, kinda like how you used to write in your diary when you were younger. Or you just kind of record events and the happenings of life. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that kind of journaling at all. I don't want people to get the wrong message because that definitely has a place in the world as well.

Jen Laffin:

The kind of journaling that I like to work with my clients on, especially, if we're working on mindset is called self-discovery journaling. And that is where you use your journal to pretty much as a place to do a brain dump. Where you take any and every thought that's in your mind and you put it out on paper.

Jen Laffin:

And then once you have it out on paper, you can go and look for it. And you can look to see what are the facts of what you're thinking about? And what is the story? Which are the thoughts that your brain makes up pretty much to keep you safe.

Jen Laffin:

If you're experiencing a lot of, like, let's say anxiety about something, if you write about it, and then you go back and you look at what you've written and you highlight or underline anything that is a fact; meaning 100% verifiably true. Okay. Not just because it feels true and not just because you think it has to be true, but it is 100% verifiably true. Underline it, everything that's left over is story. And that is changeable. Those are thoughts that you're choosing to think that you don't have to think and seeing them right there in black and white in front of you in your journal is like, wow.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I think trying to find the fact is hard because we have a lot of our thoughts that we might have formed an opinion about what something means. And we think that's fact. How do you help people to get really about what is a fact versus what is a thought or a story?

Jen Laffin:

Right. Well, that journaling activity has been very eye-opening. As a matter of fact, in my journaling workshop that just finished, that was one of the biggest takeaways that the participants shared with me was just that one journaling activity. Do a brain dump, go back with a highlighter, highlight those things that are 100% true. Everything else is story.

Jen Laffin:

It's just, it's such a powerful activity. And you have to take into consider what you said. That story you may have been believing for so long, you may have been conditioned to believe it to be true. But really if it's not verifiable, meaning you, me, everybody in the world is gonna agree and say, that's true; it's a story. And you have the right to choose if you want to believe it, or if you want to rewrite it. And you can use your journal for that too.

 

Breakthrough Getting Started Journaling

Gretchen Hernandez:

Have you encountered folks that have a hard time even getting started? They just stare at that blank piece of paper and they just can't get it to come out?

Jen Laffin:

All the time! All the time. Here's what I'm gonna tell you, because I told you I get nerdy about all things journaling. I also get nerdy about all things brain science, especially as it relates to journaling. And so just real quick, without getting too technical, I'm going to share with your listeners a little bit about what I know about how our brains work.

Jen Laffin:

There is a part of our brain, called the primal brain. It's main goal is to keep you safe, to keep you in your comfort cave. Because it's like the oldest part of our brain that hasn't evolved yet. It still thinks that there are all of these dangers around that there's sabertooth tigers that are gonna come and attack us. And that there could be a famine and you, you know, you're gonna need to like move in a moment's notice or whatever. It will do anything to keep you safe.

Jen Laffin:

How this plays into us as journalers is like the ways we just talked about. Maybe you're someone who's nervous about someone reading your writing. So to commit your words to the page means that you have to leave your comfort zone. You have to do something new that maybe you've never done before. Well, your brain doesn't like that, that primal brain doesn't like that. So it's going to be sending you thoughts like someone could read this, you're gonna be so embarrassed if someone finds this! Oh my gosh, you'll be horrified, if this happens. What will people think of be you? And then before, you know, it you're like completely shut down.

Jen Laffin:

So anytime there's any risk involved to you, the brain just pretty much starts acting like a jerk to keep you in your comfort zone. And what I have found is that there are some activities that you can do to get yourself out of that rut. A couple of them are designed to like override the impulse that the brain has to keep you from just staring at the blank page.

Jen Laffin:

One of the things that I like to do is when I feel that I don't have an idea or that I'm struggling with what to say, I will set a timer for five minutes. And I will say, I'm gonna write anything and everything that comes to my mind until the timer goes off, I don't care how ridiculous it seems or how irrelevant it seems. I'm going to put my pen to the paper and I'm not gonna stop. I'm just gonna keep on writing. That's a very effective way for the brain to relax.

Jen Laffin:

Another way is, and I taught this in my journaling workshop is... Let's say in your journal, you're someone who likes to write in lists, like bullet point things. Which is a great to journal. Tell yourself, I'm going to come up with 20 reasons, 20 thoughts, 20 things I could do, whatever it is that you're, that you're having a block about. I'm gonna come up with this many and I'm not gonna stop until I get to that many. And forcing yourself to go to that number, like that high uncomfortable number will again, get you out of your comfort zone and be like, oh yeah. Hey, there really is no risk here.

Gretchen Hernandez:

I like that! Start off with, okay, what are 20 reasons why I can't write right now? That's a brilliant idea!

Jen Laffin:

As an entrepreneur. And I'm sure, you know, if you're thinking, I have no idea what podcast episodes I should create this year. Right? And your brain is gonna wanna keep you stuck in confusion because that's a little risky, right? You're gonna have to engage and spend some energy and you're gonna have to do something uncomfortable. I's gonna try to keep you confused. So you don't do that. And if you said, I'm gonna sit down and I'm gonna brainstorm a list of 50 possible podcast topics. You would be surprised at what you come up with.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Oh yeah. I remember the first time that I did that. And as I'm writing it all out, my brain screaming at me, because again, it's just being a jerk. I like that separation between self and brain because yes, our brains can be jerks to us, but it starts screaming at me. Oh, but what if nobody likes that topic? Well, what if nobody likes this one? And it's like, it doesn't matter. That's not the point of that exercise at that point. It's just brainstorming of what's everything. And then I can sort and you know, strategize later on.

Jen Laffin:

Actually, that's so funny mention it because I just wrote a blog post about that very thing about self-judgment. And how, when you do a brain dump and then go looking for the facts and the story, just being aware of how your brain is going to freak out from that very activity, just as you're writing and as you're journaling. Fascinating to watch! Fascinating.

Jen Laffin:

And most people aren't even aware of this. Most people don't know that their thoughts are optional. They don't have to believe everything that they think; that was just so groundbreaking for me. And that's why I'm such a huge advocate of journaling because it really helps you see what's a fact and what's a story.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Yeah. Well it goes back to that separation of self and brain. The brain is the thing coming up with these thoughts. And so we're just like, okay, we'll just like write it down for the brain and we can look at it to see what is this separate entity, this brain, suggesting all of these thoughts. And that I find helps, too.

Jen Laffin:

Well. And because most people think that that's not the brain coming up with those thoughts. They think it's me. Like they think I'm the one coming up with those thoughts. No, no, no. It's your primal brain. Yeah. Which is in your head, but it doesn't have to be you. Unless you let it.

Jen Laffin:

And unfortunately, so many people let it because they don't know they have another choice.

 

Ditch Writing Perfection

Gretchen Hernandez:

I remember when I was beginning in my journaling, I was so used to like strict and rigid because I worked in corporate for the longest time. And so there was a lot of professional writing that had to happen all the time. So I felt a little stuck even in the flow of how I was writing it. Because I felt like I had to do these nice, complete sentences and capitalization. And now, oh, it's just messy and there's pictures and there's lines and it unorganized. And I love it.

Jen Laffin:

Yes. And that's, that's the other thing. That's one of the other things I teach my clients is your journal is your journal. You make it however you want it to look. You can write in complete sentences. You can write with your opposite hand, you can write upside down. You can have lines, you can have blank pages. You can put stickers, washi tape, paint, markers, whatever the heck makes you happy, by all means, put it in your journal.

Jen Laffin:

If you are someone who's like a perfectionist and you are worried about spelling things wrong. And so that's keeping you from journaling, please don't let it keep you from journaling. Just start journaling. And if you're not sure how to spell a word, circle it because then that'll calm your brain down and be like, I know that word is not spelled right, but I'm gonna keep writing because it's more important for me to get my message on the page where I can take a look at it than it is to spell that word right.

Gretchen Hernandez:

That is so funny that you bring up spelling. I would find myself like crossing things out and writing it how it's correctly spelled. Or going back and writing over certain things. And then I realized that in a lot of my journaling, I may not ever go back and read it. So, what does it matter if it's spelled correctly? It's just for me to get it out of my brain and onto paper. as just a form of self expression.

Jen Laffin:

Absolutely. Absolutely. And that's one thing that I taught. I used to be a fourth grade teacher. And so that's one of the things I taught my students was I don't want you to interrupt your creative flow to worry about spelling because this is a draft. You can worry about spelling when you're gonna publish. If you're going to publish. You wouldn't publish a blog post or a newsletter with typos in it, you would edit it. But your first draft could be written on the back of a grocery receipt. It doesn't matter. And I just really encourage people to get over their perfectionist tendencies about their journal, if they can.

Jen Laffin:

A story is I just had a teacher who was in my journaling workshop reach out to me and say she was just really having a hard time with what was going on at school. And she said, I'm writing about it in my journal, and it just wasn't doing it for me. She's like, so I turned the page over and I got out my red marker. And she's like, I just started like doodling my thoughts.

Jen Laffin:

And she said, I cannot believe how much better I felt. And so thank you for giving me permission to use my journal that way. And I'm like, it was not me. I just gave you the idea.

 

Express Triggered Emotions

Gretchen Hernandez:

One of the other creative things that I did with my journal, sometimes we get triggered by other people. And there are so many things that we just wanna say without like having to filter ourselves, but we know that we don't wanna damage our relationships. Right. Whether they're personal or professional, but when we're triggered, sometimes we don't want to block our emotions. It's healthy to get it out.

Jen Laffin:

Absolutely.

Gretchen Hernandez:

I used my journal as a way of like yelling and screaming at people.

Jen Laffin:

Yes, totally!

Gretchen Hernandez:

Because as we go through any kind of change curve, anger is one of the things. And so if we don't allow ourselves to express it, how can we ever move on through the rest of our change with whatever happened. But I needed a safe place to be able to express my anger. My journal became that. So there's so much where I'm screaming at people in my journal and you know, underlining and exclamation points and it feels so good because I could just process that emotion that way. But I already knew that I was triggered. And that okay, now that I've gotten all that out. Okay. Now what were the facts? What story was I making up about it? And then how do I get back to where it's like, okay, here's the facts. How can I think about this so that I'm not angry, but at least allow myself to process those emotion?

Jen Laffin:

Well, and if I can even take that a step further with the self-discovery journaling is, so you took the time and you ranted in your journal about somebody or something that you had a relationship with. And you're gonna see that person again, imagine like three months down the road. You get upset by this person again and you go back to your journal and you do it again. You can look back at the first time you did that and say, okay. I was able to express myself in writing here. I put all my anger in there and we got over it. That tells me I'm going to get over it again.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Very true. That's great evidence. Yes.

Jen Laffin:

I journaled when my kids were going away to college. They're 17 months apart, so they're one school year apart. And so my son left for college and then my daughter left for college, and they actually both ended up going to the same university. But when my daughter, the youngest, left I just remember being so sad about being an empty-nester now. And I went to my journal and I did like, I just let all that sadness pour out of me onto the page.

Jen Laffin:

And just everything I was feeling and thinking and you know, all that stuff about being an empty-nester I was worried about and I was worried about them and I put it all on the page. And then they went away to school and I distinctly remember, and I still go back and look at my journal at this. Like a week after they left, another entry said I kinda like this empty nesting.

Jen Laffin:

I love not having piles of laundry sitting around and all of these things. They came home at Christmas, and then I was really excited to see them. And then when they were getting ready to leave to go back to school for second semester, I was getting sad again. I went, wait a minute, I've been through this before. And I went back in my journal and I reread how I was so sad they were leaving and then the next entry of I'm so excited that they're not here.

Jen Laffin:

Yeah. So I always remember that. But if I hadn't journaled about that, I would be going through that emotional roller coaster like every time they came and left.

 

Leave Your Inner Judge Out

Gretchen Hernandez:

Oh yeah, yeah. There's so many transitions that we go through in life, even leaving a job. Right. You know, not everybody's an entrepreneur, some are working at jobs and maybe they're really stressed out and they need to leave for their own mental health. And just that journey of expressing themselves of everything that they were going through and putting it down on paper and then eventually like things get better. And they feel better and they find jobs that they absolutely love. But that kind of transition. How could journaling help in that type of a situation?

Jen Laffin:

Well, one of the things that I also love about self-discovery journaling is doing future journaling or dream journaling. And that is when you are going through a tough time, let's say you're unhappy at your job. Use your journal as a place to dream for yourself. Use it as a place where you can play on the page and ask yourself if anything was possible. What would I want?

Jen Laffin:

And the most important thing that I tell my clients about when they do this kind of work is this is no place to allow your judge. You gotta get your inner judge out of this conversation because this is just you and your journal. One of the things that I do is I visualize my inner judge as an actual person. I've created this persona for her in my head. She's got a name, Bernice.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Haha Snarky Sarah.

Jen Laffin:

Exactly. We all probably have this judge, right? Yeah. I will tell Bernice, like, I'm sorry, you're not here right now. And you need to go out and I'm gonna close the door and I'm gonna just sit here and I'm going to dream on the page. And if you can get your judge out of the equation and just make it about you and your journal, and dreaming. And what would I want? You will uncover things you never even imagined possible, which is probably like a good time for me to put in my plea for journaling by hand.

 

The Benefits of Journaling by Hand

Gretchen Hernandez:

Oh, is there other ways that people are doing it?

Jen Laffin:

People like to do digital journaling where they'll type. Or they'll do it in their phone. Or do keep it on their computer. And that certainly is one way to do it. Okay. But I am a huge advocate of writing by hand because there's been so much research that's shown the benefit of writing by hand. Anything from just the slowing down of your thoughts, because you can't write as fast as you can think.

Jen Laffin:

If you are a really good typer, like you can type super fast and keep up with your thoughts. If slowing down when you write by hand allows your brain to kind of just like marinate in your ideas and come up with different kinds of things. Research has found that writing by hand allows us to go deeper into our intuition and into our consciousness than just, you know, skimming the surface with our typing fingers or our thinking minds.

Jen Laffin:

And then there's also been a lot of research about just the feel of your hand and the pen moving across the page has a very comforting and relaxing outcome to it.

Gretchen Hernandez:

I hadn't thought about that.

Jen Laffin:

Yes. So I know some people are like, I don't like my handwriting or I write really slow. It doesn't matter. It's between you and your journal, you make the rules.

Gretchen Hernandez:

One of the things that has helped me is to learn and remember things is all of that writing. I've learned that a learning style, but that's one of them. I don't know the name of it, but I know some of us are visual learner, some are auditory. But there's also, when we write it out that somehow that mechanism implants it into our brain.

Jen Laffin:

I think it's kinesthetic.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Is it kinesthetic? Okay. Yeah. I have that, but also I'm a huge visual learner. When I'm writing and journaling and sometimes it's my own stuff, I also am remembering what it looked like on that piece of paper.

Gretchen Hernandez:

And so there's times where new things will pop up. It might be a different circumstance, but now all of a sudden I'm having those thoughts come up. Those stories come up, the feelings that are very unhelpful. And it might be something completely different, different circumstance. But, I can remember another one where I had that same type of a thought or feeling for a different circumstance, but I can picture it because it was in my journal.

Gretchen Hernandez:

And I remember all of the things that I did to try to help myself to recover from that or to heal from it. And sometimes I do have little pictures, all of a sudden I can remember that picture or that tool that I used. And like, it's like in a flash, it pulls up for that moment right then and there.

Jen Laffin:

Yes, yes. For sure.

Gretchen Hernandez:

I found that that also is really helpful down the line when I'm trying to create courses or podcasts or blogs or social media, or just trying to help my clients. That pictures that I drew a long time ago, even like scales where I was weighing something on like a cost-benefit or resentment that I might feel for someone, if I was doing extra. Like my people-pleasing nature. And that all of a sudden, now, I can draw that scale and help somebody else if they're having troubles with saying no to doing extra stuff for people.

Jen Laffin:

Right. Absolutely. So many benefits to journaling really!

Gretchen Hernandez:

Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.

 

Identity Shifts are Easier with Journaling

Gretchen Hernandez:

What about identity shifts? As people are starting to either move from one thought community to another thought community, or maybe they were in a previous profession and now they're going to be an entrepreneur and in a completely different profession. And it requires a complete identity shift. How could journaling help?

Jen Laffin:

Again, playing on the page and doing that future planning, future thinking journaling is super helpful. There is no risk involved to working on that new identity on the page. You don't actually have to act anything out. And I would almost argue from a brain basis that playing it out on the page ahead of time makes it easier when you actually go to do it. Because your brain is gonna say, oh wait, Hey, this sounds, this is a little familiar to me. I don't have to freak out as much. So, I can just kind of sit back and relax a little bit.

Jen Laffin:

There are definite benefits to using your journaling to think about and plan possible scenarios. And if anything was possible, and this is what I want to think, and this is what I want to feel. And, just really getting into that as much, it starts to create those pathways for your brain to be like, oh yeah, this is familiar. I don't need to worry quite as much.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Yeah. I could imagine writing out like a scene. Okay, I'm gonna go to this event. And I am going to introduce myself as this new identity, right? A new professional title, whatever it might be. And of course our jerk brain is gonna be like, oh. Okay, we're gonna acknowledge the brain, write that dow. But what would future me that really accepts this identity? What would that person be thinking?

Jen Laffin:

Yes. Yes. That's a really great one. And that made me think of another journaling activity, which is deciding ahead of time. And so you can use your journal pretty much to decide ahead of time of how you're going to handle a situation, how you're going to show up. Let's say it's that morning of the day when you're gonna go in and you're gonna quit your job. For instance, when I quit my teaching job and started my own company.

Jen Laffin:

I decided how I was gonna show up to that meeting in my principal's office. What I was going to say, how I was going to hold myself. What I was going to think. The smile I was going to keep on my face the entire time. Which made it so much easier when I was sitting there because I didn't have to think about it. I just knew what I was going to do. So deciding ahead of time in your journal, also a really great tool to just make life easier for yourself.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Yeah. I'm curious. I love that example that you gave. When you imagine that you're were gonna be sitting there with a smile on your face, did you also imagine what thoughts you would be having where that smile was natural?

Jen Laffin:

Yes. That's a really great question because yes! And I remember my thought was, I'm doing this for me. I'm doing this for me. I deserve this.

Gretchen Hernandez:

When you first had that thought, did you have resistance to that thought?

Jen Laffin:

To the thought I'm doing this for me?

Gretchen Hernandez:

Yeah.

Jen Laffin:

At one point. Sure. When I was early in the consideration phase of what I wanted to do. Of course! Because I have a human brain and my brain is like, oh, oh whole lots of danger here. Lots of danger. As a matter of fact, to make it even more exciting. That was the year that my daughter was gonna be leaving for school. So we were gonna have two kids in college and we we're losing a teacher's salary and benefits. That made it the brain extra, extra, extra nervous.

Jen Laffin:

But I just kept, you know, like chugging along. And I knew in my heart that I was drawn to do what I'm doing and that I could help so many more people through doing this. So I just kept that thought in my head, like, I've done my job here. I did it. Well, this is my time. This is time for me. I'm gonna do this kind of thing. So yeah.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Thank you so much for sharing that level of detail because I know that many of us where our kids are at that transition point, going off that this might be the exact right time to do it. Even though it's scary. When I decided to quit my corporate job, I called it the golden handcuffs. It was so nice to have that salary. It helped me to provide for my family of seven for a very long time. But now they were starting to grow. We already had one that was out of the house. My eldest son had just turned 18. He was getting ready to graduate. I had one that was a senior. And then we had two that were, I think about 10 at the time.

Gretchen Hernandez:

And making that decision that, okay, I'm gonna quit and go all in! Scary. Oh my gosh. It was so scary. But there were benefits to it also. Because with the salary that I had in corporate, there was no way that my kids could qualify for any financial aid for college including student loans.

Jen Laffin:

Oh wow.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Although I had put money into college savings plans, it wasn't gonna cover all of it because that was a conscious choice on my part. Because when I went to college, I appreciated that I had to work and earn it. And so it made sure that I really wanted it, that I really wanted that college education. And I showed up a lot differently than some of my other friends whose parents were paying fully for it. I wanted my kids to have to work for it because I wanted them to really ask themselves, do they want this?

Gretchen Hernandez:

When I realized that they weren't even gonna qualify for student loans, it's like, okay, that's that's gonna make it a little bit more challenging. That was actually one of the factors that I thought about is when I leave that my income's gonna go down to zero at first. Because I had not built up a full client load before quitting. But it now, like it was gonna take a couple years for all of the financial aid stuff to catch up to the right tax year and stuff.

Gretchen Hernandez:

But now they're eligible. This will be the first year that they're eligible for financial loans. And this is like three years after I quit. It takes a while.

Jen Laffin:

Yes, it does.

Gretchen Hernandez:

In the doing it for me, it took me years to get to that point where I was okay that I had done it for me and my own mental health, too. To leave my job. And to start my own business. What helped to fuel me forward was that I was taking care of other people in my business. But to get that point of self acceptance, self love, self care, where it's like, no, it's actually okay that I'm doing this for my own mental health too! Huge.

Jen Laffin:

And you know what? Your brain doesn't want you to think about those kinds of things. It just wants to feed you all those yucky thoughts that are like, you're a terrible person for quitting your job. Your family's gonna starve. You're gonna be living in a van. It's only going to accentuate the hard parts. Not the benefits or the good parts. And that is again a great reason to journal about those kinds of things, because you can see that thought I shouldn't do this. It may feel like a fact, but it's a thought. It's a story. And if you don't take time to analyze that, you're gonna think it's the fact. Yeah.

 

A Journaling Community

Gretchen Hernandez:

That's why I love new-thought communities. Because we can go thought shopping, that's what I love to call it. We can see it on paper. We've journaled it down and we see this circumstance, but we have a hard time thinking of what are other ways that I could think about this? We can recognize, okay, here's this story, but what else could I think? When you're in a new thought community of other people that might have already struggled with a similar circumstance, they've come up with all of the other thoughts. And so now when you're in a community, other people can say, oh, I thought about it this way. Or I used a thought bridge. I thought this and I got a little bit more comfortable. And then I thought this, and then I got a little bit more comfortable. And then I thought this and all of a sudden it was okay. I can actually believe that now. I love that you shared that you have a writing community or a journaling community.

Jen Laffin:

I do.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Can you tell me more about that?

Jen Laffin:

Well, when I left the classroom I started a business called Teach Write, and I work with teachers helping them grow as writers. I believe that the best way to teach writing is to be a writer. And I started a workshop called Time to Write. And basically all it is, is a zoom room that we have open several times a week for 90 minutes. And teachers and educators, and now it's growing beyond the educational community, come together and just write together. We spend a little time chatting. We spend some time writing. We set some goals, we chat some more. We laugh, we laugh, we laugh a lot. And we support each other. And, it's just so fun.

Jen Laffin:

But it's everybody's just drawn together through a common desire to write. In our Time to Write workshop, it doesn't really matter what you're writing. I've got people who are journaling. I've got people who are writing Thank you notes. I've got people who are writing their dissertation. I've got all different kinds of people. I's that common thread of connecting through writing that draws us together. So it's super cool.

 

Repurposing Journal Writing for Social Media

Jen Laffin:

But I also, if you'll allow me to, I want to do a little segue here about social media. Okay. And about using your writing on social media as a way of connecting with people,

Gretchen Hernandez:

Tell us all about it.

Jen Laffin:

Let's see if I can do this. We know that social media is here to stay. Whether it's Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter, whatever it's here to stay. And writing is such a vulnerable act as it is. And so many people wanna hold that writing close to their chest and not share it with anyone. If you are someone out there who wants to help other people, who wants to connect with other people, I cannot stress enough how important it is that you are vulnerable. And that you share that writing. And this is one of the things that we discovered in Time to Write, because a lot of my writers would really hesitate to press publish on a blog post. And have it go out into the world, and oh my gosh, people could see it. And this is like, beyond like the diary, too. Right. Your blog post you're writing it so people can see it, but yet you don't want to share it.

Gretchen Hernandez:

I'd be so worried I'd get judged, especially by like old coworkers or family members or who does she think she is blogging? Yeah.

Jen Laffin:

I used to have all of those thoughts to myself. I started blogging I think in like 2010 before blogging was even really a thing. And I remember telling my husband that I had started a blog and he's like, why would you do that?

Jen Laffin:

Why do you wanna set yourself up? Who's gonna read that? Here's what I have found in all my 11 whatever years of blogging. Is that, first of all, you never know who needs to read your words.

Gretchen Hernandez:

So true.

Jen Laffin:

And for every person that comments or that makes a connection with you and says they read what you wrote. There are going to be at least 10 others who didn't say anything, but yet had a profound interaction with your social media. Whether it's, again, a blog post, Facebook, post, whatever. We are so conditioned by society to stay in our group, to stay in our tribe. Where we don't set ourselves out as being different. And again, that's the primal brain wanting you to stay part of your group. We really don't feel comfortable going of the boundaries of blurring those boundaries and sharing our ideas and our thoughts with people through our social media and through our blogs and all of that good stuff. I say that life is best when it's lived outside of the boundaries.

Jen Laffin:

There's this book called Wonder by RJ Palacio, I believe is her name. And in it, the main character says, his name's Augie. He says, why fit in when you were born to stand out? And I think I've carried that quote with me since I was in the classroom and read that book with my students, because we are all unique. We are all born to stand out. We choose to fit in because it's, what's comfortable for us. And it's what our brain has led us to believe is fact, it's not a fact.

Jen Laffin:

And I have found that since I have stepped outside and began sharing my thoughts through my public writing, that life has become so much more fun and so much more fulfilling. And there really was not a risk. Okay? And to address the idea of what if somebody says something? Or they don't like what I write? My question back to them is who cares? Do you like everything you read?

Gretchen Hernandez:

That's perfect.

Jen Laffin:

Right? So you don't enjoy everything you read. You can't expect everyone to love your writing. It's okay. It just means they're not your reader. Yeah. But the person that needs to read what you're writing. is out there and is waiting. And if you are too afraid and you keep those thoughts to yourself for fear of being different or putting your neck out there, or speaking out when you're expected to be silent, you're denying other people the possibility to transform and to have that effect on their life. And to me, I just hold that too, dear. I'm not gonna let that happen. I will go first because I wanna blaze a trail for other people to follow.

Gretchen Hernandez:

I love that. Go first.

Jen Laffin:

Yes. And sharing your writing, your thoughts, and your ideas with others. Be a leader! Do it, do it.

Gretchen Hernandez:

People need you.

Jen Laffin:

Do it. People need you for sure. You can tell I'm very passionate about this.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Thank you for being passionate about it because we need that.

Jen Laffin:

We need more passion. We need more people who are willing to say, Hey, I've got this idea and I wanna share it because it may help someone.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Yes. Yes.

Jen Laffin:

Even if you never know if you help someone, you can just hold on with the faith that you did.

Gretchen Hernandez:

I just had an amazing experience. I don't know, last week or something. I don't know if you know, Maggie Reyes. She's an amazing marriage coach. I posted about her several times because she had a profound influence on my life. Helped me during one of my darkest hours. And she reached out to me last week and she was like, you know, that really meant a lot to me that you said something. And I was like, let me please tell you the rest of the story. Some of it, I wasn't gonna put out there in social media because it was too intimate to talk about. But when her and I could talk, I shared with her what it was and she didn't even know. Right.

Gretchen Hernandez:

She had shared something and she didn't know that I sat in a car crying for six hours because I was in so much pain. And I listened to her, say this one thing over and over. I kept rewinding it and listening to it. Rewinding. You could tell I'm a child of the eighties, I'm rewinding that tape. I had to listen to it over and over and over again. And it ended up having a generational impact on my family. I mean, a cycle was broken that day because of something that she shared. And she didn't know, and this is something that she said two years ago. And here I was listening to it and it made that much of a difference. And I'm so grateful.

Jen Laffin:

When she said that or wrote that or whatever. However, she delivered it to you. They were just words for her and she just put them out into the world with the faith that might help someone. And they did. And so good for you for sharing that with her.

Jen Laffin:

I used to go to teaching conferences and present about teachers and writers. And people used to come up to me and they would say like, I follow you on Twitter. Oh my gosh, you have changed my teaching life, which has changed my students' lives because now they are writers. But if I had been the kind of person who is like, oh no, no, like I can't, I can't go beyond like, what I already am. I can't stretch. I can't go first because I think I need to stay where it's comfortable. I would never have been able to affect that many lives.

Gretchen Hernandez:

And that's what it's all about. Right? Helping other people.

Jen Laffin:

Yes. Ma'am

Gretchen Hernandez:

That we can be courageously vulnerable and know that we're gonna have this amazing butterfly effect, helping so many other people and maybe even having generational changes.

Jen Laffin:

Absolutely. Absolutely. It is such a gift to be able to really do this work.

Gretchen Hernandez:

The work that you're doing, helping people to unlock themselves and be able to journal it all out and to start getting their voices out into the world is so important. What are all of the ways that people can work with you?

 

Unlock Your Voice with Jen Laffin's Help

Jen Laffin:

I have a couple different ways right now. I'm working some new offers in. The first one is one-on-one coaching. Which is similar to what you do, where it is basically helping people create the life of their dreams. And we do that through self-discovery journaling, and it's really been very, very impactful. I also have a journaling workshop called Recreating You, which is where I teach self-discovery journaling. And there'll be a new session of that's starting soon.

Jen Laffin:

And I'm also going to be starting for entrepreneurs. I'm going to be starting a new program called the Book Builder Program. Book Builder coaching, which is for entrepreneurs who want to write books, nonfiction books, to grow their business. And it's going to involve coaching them on the mindset behind writing their book and the planning so that they can get their words out there and affect the lives of so many more people. So I'm very excited. That's my news.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Oh, that is great. How can people find you?

Jen Laffin:

I would love to connect with people on my website, which is www.jenlaffin.com. And you can find me on social media at Jen Laffin Coaching. I would love to talk with anyone about writing, as you can tell, I could talk forever.

Gretchen Hernandez:

And which social media platforms do you use?

Jen Laffin:

Facebook and Instagram mostly.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Okay, great. And I will put all of those links on the webpage for this episode.

 

How Journaling Can Help Your Business

Gretchen Hernandez:

So Jen, we have several entrepreneurs that also listen to this podcast. What would be one key take way that you would share or key tip that you haven't shared yet that can help them to grow their business by starting with journaling first?

Jen Laffin:

Go first is my, my biggest piece of advice. Go first, use your journal to help you figure out how you can go first. Give yourself a pep talk in your journal, decide how you wanna show up for your clients or your customers, and create that pathway for your brain to be able to follow so that it's just so much easier and more fun for you.

Gretchen Hernandez:

That was such a great tip. Kind of like how you were talking about when you had resigned from your job. It's the same thing as getting ready for it. Yes. Prep yourself. I love that. That's so good.

Jen Laffin:

Thank you. And thank you so much for having me Gretchen.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Thank you, Jen!

Jen Laffin:

So much fun!

Gretchen Hernandez:

Are you ready to start journaling? By any chance, did you pull out your journal during this episode? Or did you start thinking about getting to the store and picking up a journal? Journals come in all sorts of varieties. Some are just your basic spiral notebooks. That's usually what I use, but there's some beautiful journals out there, too. So, it's your choice of what journal type you'd like, what's gonna work for you.

Gretchen Hernandez:

If you look over on Jen's social media pages, she has so many examples for you to get inspired by journals and what you can do with them. She also has a workshop coming up. It's called Recreating You, and this is a journaling workshop. It helps get you unlocked and gets you going on actually using your journal. This workshop is for four weeks. It's happening May 14th through June 4th and registration for that is open now.

Gretchen Hernandez:

You can head over to my webpage for a direct link to go register in that workshop. The webpage for this episode is MyFreedomGrove.com/podcast-112. My friends, I can't wait to see all of the wonderful changes in your life as a result of journaling. I hope you have a great week and I'll talk with you soon. Bye-bye.

 

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Thank you for listening to My Freedom Grove podcast.  I can't wait to work with you directly. I'll help you to be your authentic self, to have amazing relationships and to live your purpose. I invite you to check out Unshakable Men and Unshakable Women. The Unshakable programs will give you all of the tools, the coaching and the community to help you rise in life, relationships, and business. To learn more, go to my freedom grove.com/workwithme. I can't wait to see you there.