You are listening to My Freedom Grove podcast with Gretchen Hernandez, episode 49.

Welcome to My Freedom Grove podcast. The all inclusive podcast that teaches mindset and business tools. We'll help you rise as your authentic self. Be unshakable with your emotional freedom and unstoppable in achieving any goal and living your purpose. I'm your host, Gretchen Hernandez. If you want to put your mental health first in life, relationships and business, you've come to the right place.

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Hey there, my strong friends, you are in for a treat today. I have invited my Coach Xavier Smith to come and share his positivity with us today. Having coaches in your life is a great way to help you achieve the outcomes that you want for yourself. I personally have several coaches that help me to create all of the outcomes that I want for myself. You know that old saying how friends come into your life for a reason, for a season, or for a lifetime. Same thing can happen with coaches. You may have a very specific reason for why you reach out to a coach, a very specific goal, or you may realize that you can need one for a season. And that's what I realized I wanted when I reached out to Coach X. I needed someone for a whole season of my life to help me bring up my energy.

What I got was so much more. Once you meet Coach X, you're going to feel it. He is quite infectious. He's someone I want around for much longer than just a season. This one may just be for a lifetime. When you find true alignment, you're going to feel it in your bones. So, my friends, it is my pleasure to introduce you to Coach Xavier Smith.

So, Xavier, it is so great to have you on my podcast. Like I know how wonderful you are, and you've made this huge impact in my life. So I want other people to know you and to know your story of where you started and where you're going to, where you're at now, and you know, why are you so amazing? So can you introduce yourself, please?

 

Introducing Xavier Smith

Xavier Smith:

Oh, okay. Well, thank you. Thank you so much, Gretchen. My name is Xavier Smith, AKA Mr. XL Smith, AKA Coach X. And yes, I know I have a lot of aliases, right. But I only have one mission. I've been sent here to impact, inspire and improve the lives of others on a daily basis. And today is no different. Now I just get to do it with people. Superfriends, like you Gretchen.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Thank you

Xavier Smith:

Yes, no problem. Now, a lot of people you wanted me to introduce myself, and I'm sure we're going to lean into what it is that I do. Like how is it that I get to share my energy, my presence, my is-ness with the world? And what we're going to get into, hopefully, during our time together, Gretchen, is you're going to find out about my life of mediocrity.

Xavier Smith:

You're going to find out about my jail sentence, my incarceration, the time I spent in prison. You're going to find out about some of the events that happened in my life. You know, like the heart attack, the deadbeat parents episode, the pulmonary embolism, and the fact that I'm still here. And we're going to make that transition from that life of long time ago, what I call mediocre, to the life of excellence. And the journey, all that fun stuff in between, because you know what, we are always on our way.

Gretchen Hernandez:

I appreciate that. You're going to share all of this information with us because when we go out in the world, and we see people that are just so amazing at everything that they do, we often just think they were born that way. We don't realize that they they've gone through some stuff. And so when we're going through our stuff, we get pretty hung up on all of our stuff, thinking, oh, it's never going to happen for us. We're not as lucky as them.

 

Life Before Becoming a Coach

Gretchen Hernandez:

So when we get to have that opportunity to have a peek into someone's life that we look up to and go, oh my gosh, they went through what? And they did all this stuff, and now they're here. It's so inspiring. And it helps us to realize that, yeah, we've all gone through some stuff, and then we figure out how to get through it. So, yeah. So, where would be a good place to start? How can we start learning about where you started from your early beginnings. What was life like before you were coaching?

Xavier Smith:

Oh, man, I don't know if we have enough hours in the day for that one, but I'm going to do my best to give you the condensed version without leaving out any of the major details. Does that sound good enough for you?

Gretchen Hernandez:

Sounds great.

Xavier Smith:

Awesome. So let's start at the beginning. Long time ago, long, long time ago,, there was me, there was this guy who was coming up just doing things just because he saw those before him doing the same things. So you're looking at somebody who, like I told you in the beginning. I call it the deadbeat parent syndrome or the episode.

Xavier Smith:

Well, the reason that I use that is because my parents were young when they had me. I think they were; my mom was still around 20 or entering the twenties. And my father was like four years older than her. And so when they had me, they were quite young. And so they had me, and as a result of having me at such a young age and kind of being kids themselves, they left me in charge with my grandparents.

Xavier Smith:

And so, for a long time, I was bitter. I was mad. I was frustrated. I was angry. And I had this notion, you know, coming up through life that the world owed me something. And because my parents had me at such a young age and they decided to dump me off of my grandparents while they get their stuff together. I did not see it that way.

Xavier Smith:

Because during that time, when I was coming up, I did, you know, spend a few months here with my mom. Then I would go back to my grandparents, spend a few weeks, sometimes turns into months. And then I was just going back and forth. Really no structure, no guidance, no foundation. None of those things that, you know, if you look around and compared my life to someone else, I just felt like I was missing something. Right?

Xavier Smith:

And so for years, and it was around, I think it was about 17 years where I was had that mindset where, you know, my parents weren't doing what they should be doing for me. At least, that was what I was thinking in my mind. And I saw my other counterparts living a certain kind of life that I thought that I wanted. So I was in that comparison syndrome.

Xavier Smith:

And so for that, those 17 years, I call that the years of my incarceration. And coming up through, through life as a young child, I was happy go lucky. Thought I was, you know, chilling. But as I got older and going into high school, that's when I started to feel myself comparing my life and what I didn't have to those who were a little bit more privileged. Cause I went to a high school that was predominantly affluent.

Xavier Smith:

And then I started noticing like, Hey, they've got cool shoes. I've got not so cool shoes. I've got my school clothes. And I'm like, Hmm, this kind of feels different. And so that's when the comparison started to come and coming around, and I started being more aware of it, I should say. So moving forward, realizing that my parents did what they had to do. They did what they thought was they were supposed to do in order to keep me protected. And I didn't realize these things.

Xavier Smith:

So, that was part of the part of my upbringing, part of who I am today. But, you know, because like I said because I was living that mentality of somebody owed me something, I really didn't see the opportunity that was right there in front of me. As it turns out, my parents, like I said, did the best that they could with what they had.

Xavier Smith:

And they were actually showing me love by putting my grandparents, making them responsible for my upbringing, because that was actually the foundation that I needed. It was the structure that I needed going to church. You know, just learning the discipline of keeping your word. Learning how to show respect to elders. That was my basic training with my grandparents.

Xavier Smith:

Now, because I've learned to, you know, release myself from that incarceration. We'll have to talk about that too. But once I got to that place where I knew that, Hey, it wasn't them it's me. And I was able to move on and forgive them for what they, what they were doing, which was their best. That's when I knew that it was all me; it was my work that needed to be done, not anybody else's.

Xavier Smith:

And so for me, it was, it was a matter of looking on the inside because if I realized that I had to depend on something external to me, then I would also have to wait on the external to change if I wanted to change. There's no power in that.

 

Living a Mediocre Life

Gretchen Hernandez:

That's true. You know, can I ask you some more deep probing questions about what it was like before? So when you felt that that your parents owed you something or that your life was supposed to be different, that parents were supposed to be different or that you didn't have as much nice stuff, right? Shoes, clothes, whatever, as everybody else, how were you feeling back then? Like what kind of emotions were coming up for you?

Xavier Smith:

So back then, when I was living that mediocre life, I thought it was all about what's missing. You know, it was all the focus was on material. The focus was on everything external to my true inner being, like who I was sent here to be. Right. So back then, you know, living as a teenager and I call it now that I'm more aware, I knew that I was living by default.

Xavier Smith:

And for that, the way I process that the society, the conditioning, the nonverbal messages that you're taking in constantly through commercials, through the conversations that you're having with those that are around you, through the, just the things that you're allowing to your subconscious and your subconscious to soak in. The message that I was getting was that I wasn't enough because I didn't have these things. And I was depending on those things to make me who I am, and I had that all backwards.

Gretchen Hernandez:

So were you feeling a lot of sadness and depression around that? Or were you feeling more angry about that, you know, life wasn't supposed to be like that?

Xavier Smith:

I'm leaning more towards the anger? Knowing who I am even back then, I just wasn't paying attention to it, but I knew I wasn't like outwardly angry. I was just more; I guess the volume of sadness was a little turned up as well. You know, just because I had noticed that some people had, some people had not. I was the one with the had not. But instead of like turning towards sadness, I would feel... I mean, there was something about me that people liked, so I was likable, and it allowed me to find myself with a certain group of friends that it was okay just to be who I was.

Xavier Smith:

But I did find myself a little bit angry because I was kind of venting to my parents. Like they should be like making enough money so I can afford these types of things or something like that. It was just wrong. It was called sloppy thinking. So for me, that's when I knew that, you know, my parents were there to serve a role, and they were doing the best that they could, but that anger manifested in somewhat passive-aggressive behavior sometimes.

Gretchen Hernandez:

What would that look like?

Xavier Smith:

You know what, I I've, I recall a couple of incidents when somebody, I would see something that somebody else had, and I would just notice that it was like jealousy. Or back then, I thought that I had the mentality that if somebody else was successful, then there wasn't going to be enough for me to be. And that's when I started kind of wrestling with that. Is that really true? Or is it just me?

Gretchen Hernandez:

You were questioning that way back then when you were a teenager?

Xavier Smith:

Yeah. I started like having real deep conversations with myself, probably as a sophomore in high school.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Wow. That's great!

 

Surviving Being Hit by a Drunk Driver

Xavier Smith:

Yeah. It was kind of crazy, you know? And it was also around that time that I got hit by a drunk driver. When I was turning into my grandparents house, I had a moped back then that I did some summer work and earned enough to pay one of my cousins because I really had to have it. So I learned, I figured out how to, you know, pay him. I got the moped for showing off for a girl who moved in across the street.

Xavier Smith:

I had no helmet on, and I had a jehri curl. I thought I was all that and a bag of chips. And this guy that's going about 55 miles an hour in a residential zone. He hits me from behind. I land, I ended up getting hit right in front of my grandparent's driveway. And then I ended up clear across one complete street in front of my neighbor's house. So there was a street, and then there was a neighbor's house and that was over 50 feet.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Oh my gosh.

Xavier Smith:

So I had a blood clot that when I came to in the hospital, it was the size of another head, they said. I broke my collarbone. I got a nice little souvenir on my shoulder. That

Gretchen Hernandez:

Souvenir is a good way of putting it.

Xavier Smith:

Yeah. So, the doctor thought it was going to heal on its own, and it never did. So it just turned into a keloid. And I was in there for like two weeks.

Xavier Smith:

So because of that, and a couple of other instances, I really had to do some soul searching. I'm like, okay, I'm here, but how did I get here? Like, those are the types of questions I was asking myself.

Xavier Smith:

And one of the things that I said, you know because I was also going to church, you know because my grandfather was a pastor. So we spent most of the days of the week in church. So I'm getting messages from the church religion. I'm getting messages from society. And I'm having to wrestle with all that and try to sift out what I thought was the truth. I guess, because I was in that foundation of, you know, having these messages just repeated to me weekly, and then society sending their messages. I'm like, okay, let me find out what works for me.

Xavier Smith:

And I was always the type of person who would ask why.

Gretchen Hernandez:

That's a great question. Yes. It's a good question to always ask.

 

The Curious Kid

Xavier Smith:

Now let me ask you something, Gretchen. Would you agree that there are some people in life who just kind of, they hear something, they were told something,and they just do it without question?

Gretchen Hernandez:

Oh, absolutely.

Xavier Smith:

Yeah. And, and then there are some who will do it, but they will also ask why? They want a little bit more information

Gretchen Hernandez:

For knowledge.

Xavier Smith:

Yes. That was, that was kinda me.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Would that tick off people around you?

Xavier Smith:

Well, not really, because here's the caveat was that my grandfather stood six ft five in. And he was like 300 pounds. He didn't really say a lot, but we knew what he meant, by the way, he looked at us.

Xavier Smith:

We were pretty much a very disciplined unit, just put it lightly. And I saw my cousin, one of my cousins, get a whooping by my grandfather. And when I saw that, that was enough for me to know exactly what I needed to do to, you know, avoid that.

Xavier Smith:

So for me, it was like, I would still listen to the messages that he had to say. I would give him the respect that was due. But in the back of my mind, on the inside, I'm asking, is that true for me? Or why, why do I need to do this? I wouldn't dare come out my mouth and say it because back then, that generation was like, you do, as I tell you, and don't say anything back. So we, that's what we learned. And so, I would always ask my questions on the inside.

Xavier Smith:

And then I would go and like, try to prove these theories that I had in my head either to prove them right or prove them wrong based on my own personal experience. And so that's how, one of the ways I got to learn on my own and put into practice, all the things that I had been learning from other people. So I can eventually get to a place that was comfortable for me.

Gretchen Hernandez:

That's good. Yeah. I think it's really important that you pick what works for you. Because there's so many other people out there telling you how you're supposed to live your life, and that might work for them, but it might cause you a whole lot of pain. So finding the things that work for you is super important.

Xavier Smith:

Yes. Yes. Well, you know, I've always found myself as a pretty decent server. I would use my skills of observation and like and see what work was working for other people, and then take some of that into my own practice.

Developing Observation Skills

Xavier Smith:

Like my father, for example, he was a very talented guy. He taught himself how to play keyboard with no lessons. He could hear music by ear and then reproduced everything that he heard within minutes. So, a lot of people called him like a musical genius. And so he was so talented that his skills took him to far places. He played for Ike and Tina Turner, Gladys Knight and the Pips, Bill Withers, a lot of famous bands of the sixties and seventies.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Wow. Just by learning it on his own, like reverse engineering it basically.

Xavier Smith:

Kind of like a skill set that...

Gretchen Hernandez:

I do that with businesses. Yeah.

Xavier Smith:

Yes. He did that with music. And so the pieces that I got from him is like, I'm musically inclined. Well, I think our whole family was because I grew up with drum sticks in my hand. So I ended up playing the drums for my grandfather's church. I sang in the choir. My aunt was actually the program director, so she was leading the choir. I had a cousin who was playing the drums, so we were always around music and, and that was how we expressed.

Xavier Smith:

So the reason I bring that up is because, you know, I learned a lot from him, and I also learned from him what not to do. Because, you know, in his twenties and thirties, he was unhealthy. Something along his life happened. And he went the other way. And, you know, towards the end of his life, he was just huge. He looked pregnant. He had man boobs and didn't support the highest version of himself. And so I use all those things as a means to what not to do. So I've never touched a cigarette.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Yeah. I've experienced that too of seeing things that other people have done and go, oh yeah, I don't want to do that. There has to be another way. I don't want that outcome.

Xavier Smith:

Yeah. And that question right there that you just said, you know, asking yourself, is there a better way? Yeah. Wonder what's possible. And so, I find myself getting into the habit of asking better questions. And then, later on in life, I start figuring out through better questions, I can create a better life. And I just got comfortable. More and more comfortable with asking the question first and then having the courage to go out there and like test. Test out this theory, test out that theory and then come back, Hey, that one didn't work. Or maybe this one needs a little bit of tweaking.

Xavier Smith:

And then got some skillsets from my mom. Because my dad was not around, he was, you know, touring and doing all of that music stuff. She developed some discipline. She made me read book reports every summer.

Xavier Smith:

So, you know, I didn't really get to hang out with the kids when I was younger. I had to spend all my time reading the books. And she gave me a stack of books, like fell in love with the art of reading. And, I hated it at the time.

 

Flunking The Fifth Grade

Xavier Smith:

Let me tell you one thing that most people don't know; I actually flunked the fifth grade.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Did you really?

Xavier Smith:

I flunked the fifth grade; Mr. Goodrich was his name. And, I just was lazy. I didn't really like him and I didn't feel like doing the work. And as a result, I got what I didn't do the work for. And it was not enough to pass. And so that is when my mom got really like more serious about instilling that discipline that I needed.

Xavier Smith:

And from that point on, I did more than enough, but still not quite enough because, during that time, I was still bitter because I was like, you're forcing me to do this. And you can't even like, provide any stability for me or give me direction. And I was like, still struggling with that part.

Xavier Smith:

So I did not go through the route. You know, I did not get the best grades. My grades were enough to pass, but I didn't go to college the traditional way. I got some jobs, you know, odd-end jobs. I worked at Taco Bell for a while. I worked just enough to like pay the bills. And then I went into the military where I saw the structure that I had been craving. And I really was able to thrive.

Xavier Smith:

And this was all based on the discipline that was instilled in me by my grandfather and all the books that I had to read. So I went in as a higher rank than most people do when they are just entering the military.

Gretchen Hernandez:

How is that possible. I've heard that people that have gone to college and have a degree would go in at a higher rank, but how do you go in if you don't have that degree and already at a higher rank?

Xavier Smith:

Yes. Tthere's two paths. And I was in the air force. And so you have the enlisted side, which is mainly the people that do a lot of the work like manual work. And then you have your commissioned officer's side, which is the college that you speak of. I didn't have that, but I did have a little bit more age and personal experience. Cause I didn't go into the air force right out of high school. I think I was 21 or 22 is when I entered. So my age and the experience that I had with a couple of semesters of junior college by that time. And so they took that into account, and I went in as an A1C.

Gretchen Hernandez:

What does that mean?

Xavier Smith:

So A1C is like an airman. You have a basic, which was somebody that enters the military with no stripes. And then I had two stripes right off the bat. And so I was able to test and advance through my 10-year career to a mid-level manager or Staff Sergeant. So, which all that means is I had a crew underneath me that I had to manage. And so, all that stuff that I had learned through my teenage and early twenties helped me crystallize my future in the air force. And I was honorably discharged after 10 years.

 

Developing Discipline

Gretchen Hernandez:

Nice. What's the stuff that you talk about that you learned?

Xavier Smith:

The discipline is one. Because, you know, when you go into a structure like the military, no matter what branch, they are looking for someone who can follow orders. And they're looking for someone who, you know, has the strength to take orders and then turn around and give orders. And do it in such a way that it builds people up.

Xavier Smith:

And so, looking back on, you know, what I'm doing now, which is coaching, I call myself a people builder. I have been able to use everything that I've gone through, the good, the bad, the ugly, the indifferent. And I bring that as my toolset to find out number one, where is this person that I'm getting ready to potentially enter a relationship with? And I want to meet where they are and then, you know, guide them up. I like to call it my life at your service. If that makes sense.

 

The Mustard Story

Gretchen Hernandez:

One of my favorite things that you had shared with me that helped me a lot in any of my mind drama about showing up in business. Right. Cause we can get a little self-conscious of ourselves. So you had shared a story about mustard on your shirt. It is one of my favorite things. And I was hoping that you could share directly with my audience about it because it has made a huge impact on me who thought mustard on your shirt would like, help me in my business, like who makes that connection. Right. But please share if you don't mind.

Xavier Smith:

And let me just add a little bit of pre context to that. So, going back to the years I spent in my grandparents place, I also had someone with me. I call him he's my younger brother. He's; actually, I call him cuz-bro. Cause he's actually my cousin. But because we got dumped on our grandparents at pretty much around the same time. I was firstand then he came along. His name is T, coach T. And it's so funny, right?

Xavier Smith:

So he coaches his kids' football teams. And he's just brilliant when it comes to the kids; he’s got six of his own. And during our upbringing, I was the one who was a little bit more confident when it came to talking to people, and whether it's like the opposite sex or whether it was a group of people, I had the confidence, I had the 'je ne sais quoi,' if you will.

Xavier Smith:

And so it wasn't really not a problem for me. And then he comes along and he wants to do kind of what I was doing. And so I had to build his confidence, too. And one of the things that came out of that was that here, man, what is the worst that could happen? She can say, no, she could slap you in the face or whatever. All that is something that you can get over. I had a saying it was called "buck the embarrassment,"

Xavier Smith:

I would tell him that his confidence would build, and he would go and, like, just have that confidence. Go into whatever situation it was with more confidence; whether, he failed, whether he was successful, it doesn't matter. He just needed the confidence. And so when I found that it worked for him, I found that it worked for me even better.

Xavier Smith:

And so I just kept building on that, take, taking it to fast forward to now. I had so much confidence back then that, the story goes, I had to pick up someone from the airport, and I was just lounging. You know, I had slippers on, I wasn't expecting to go anywhere, and I had a white t-shirt on. And here I am, getting ready to eat a hot dog that has some mustard and ketchup on it, more mustard than ketchup. And I ate the hot dog, and some of it spilled on my shirt. And I'm like, I don't have time to like go and change and get all pretty.

Xavier Smith:

So I was like, whatever, I'm just going to pick them up. But once I get there, I see this fine, she was just fine as all outdoors, this female. I was like, oh my God, I want to know her. And I got this, you know, I'm in my slippers. I got this white t-shirt with a mustard stain. I'm like, wait a minute. What's the worst that can happen? And so I approached her with all confidence that I can muster. And told her what I had to tell her. I ended up getting her number, and we, you know, we just, we connected.

Xavier Smith:

And I don't think I would've done that if I hadn't had the confidence, I could have subscribed to the fact that I had mustard on my shirt and said, no, it's not going to work. This all starts in the mind. But fortunately, I didn't subscribe to that mindset and just went up and talked to her because of the confidence, and things just happen. And it was things like that that really helped me solidify the fact that my mindset is everything.

Gretchen Hernandez:

And the energy that you project. So you and I have had a lot of discussions about energy. And that's what drew me to you is your energy is your energy was higher than mine. And I needed more energy than what I had. And I was like, I need to be around you so that I could have this. And so here you were with like mustard on your shirt. And yet this woman was like, yeah, I'll totally give you my number. Right. Because it wasn't about your clothes or about, you know, what you look like. It was about your energy.

Gretchen Hernandez:

And that has really helped me because sometimes I'll worry about, you know, hair or whatever, or even like how my video is showing up if I'm doing a Facebook live or having a coaching call or something. And remembering about the mustard shirt, it helps me to keep thinking of no, what really matters is how I'm showing up in my energy.

Gretchen Hernandez:

And what I'm finding about from the people on the other side is that's exactly what it was like. They didn't. In; what fact, they kind of felt a little bit more comfortable that my video was messed up or my hair wasn't that great. Or, you know, whatever was going on there. Like it just put me at ease that I could be with you. And it's like, so cool. But yeah, you and your mustard shirt, like that pops up in my head a lot.

Xavier Smith:

It's so funny because that brings up another story that I had, you know, going back to some of the, I guess, challenges of my own mind drama. Because I knew that I had something, and back then, I was attaching my power to the ability to go up and talk to any female that I wanted to talk to.

Xavier Smith:

So, but your statement just brought up the fact that I had some struggles too, and all I could keep up or keep repeating to myself is that what's the worst that can happen? It's always more about the intention than it is the presentation. Now, there are some people out there that would debate that. However, when you focus on the value that you're bringing the knowledge that you've already acquired through whatever, through your life, through, you know, technical learning, what have you, that matters.

Xavier Smith:

And when people get the feeling that you are approachable, you're giving them a license to be okay with where they are, who they are, right then and there. And then if they just want to have a conversation.

Xavier Smith:

An example would go up to a female and say, look, I'm very nervous right now. And what I'm about to say might sound like marbles coming out of my mouth, but I need to say this. But you know, once I did that, I can see almost literally feel their defenses going down. And so that's when I learned they want somebody that's truthful. And I saw a lot of my guy counterparts coming up to people with these lines and, you know, these salesmen-type tactics; when it wasn't, it wasn't their true self. And so I think that's when I started discovering the difference between my energy and someone else's energy, you know?

 

An Incarceration of the Mind

Gretchen Hernandez:

You had mentioned earlier the word incarceration, and you said that you were going to come back to it. Yes. So can you tell us what you mean by incarceration?

Xavier Smith:

So a lot of people, when you mentioned that word, the picture that they painted there is probably a jail cell or prison or something like that. I've never set foot in an actual jail cell. The incarceration that I'm referring to was the incarceration of my mind. Like I told you, I was bitter. I was mad; I was frustrated. And I wore this fresh-out-of-prison-look on my face 24/7.

Gretchen Hernandez:

I wish all the viewers or all the listeners could see your face right now. It's like all squished up the eyebrows, squished together. There's creases. And he's got the mean eyes on. And if you've ever seen Coach X in person, he just like beams in positivity. So this is a complete 180. Please continue.

Xavier Smith:

It was you, you, you're absolutely right. It's a night and day difference because my energy back then was the dark side. And it was representative of the fact that I was; it was a defense mechanism. That's the bottom line. Because here's my thought process back there, Gretchen. The thought that I subscribed to back then as if my parents could hurt me, like I perceive them as hurting me back then, then what's to stop a complete stranger from doing the same thing?

Xavier Smith:

I wanted to keep people at a arms length. Keep them at bay, but be very selective as to who I let in because I was afraid of being hurt. Now, if you see me now and you can feel my energy now, not even understand where that is coming from because nobody gets that energy anymore. Okay?

 

Forgiving To Live

Xavier Smith:

The Wolf of light, because I had to go through that process. That maturation process. Going back to the point, it was during that incarceration that I speak of; I was at the bottom of a pool. Imagine that. Imagine being a ball and chain and like a Houdini type of scene, and you just start sinking to the bottom. And you're like struggling. There's a music of life taking place on deck. People are partying, everybody's having fun, but me.

Xavier Smith:

And I'm like, okay, wait a minute. How did I end up here? And so I started doing that soul searching again. And I'm like; it was probably my late thirties that I was just listening to this voice. It was a voice saying, you know what? You gotta do. You know what you gotta do, you know, what you gotta do. And that what I had to do, get on the phone and call my parents and let them off the hook.

Xavier Smith:

So, when I decided to do that, it was a saying that came up. I called him. I told him, you know what, I have to tell him. And I said, look, I'm letting you guys off the hook and I love you. And, you know, we can go from here, but this is what I need to do. And the moment I hung that phone up, Gretchen, it was like, as if I had lost a hundred pounds and a ton of weight. And that chain, I had the key in my hand the whole time. So I put the key, and I turned that bad boy. And the the gates or the chain was released. And I was able to float like a cork back up to the surface.

Xavier Smith:

That's what it felt like when I made that decision to forgive. And the saying that I have now in my heart is in order for me to live, I've got to learn how to forgive.

Xavier Smith:

And so, that is when my life started changing for the better. And at that point, I realized I had to do the work to get back to the person that I had been sent here to be. And then that's when all the mission statement came down. My purpose came down, and the reason I'm doing what I do, that all came down. And what I mean by coming down is that I didn't think of any of this arbitrarily, like my mission statement 'to impact, to inspire, and improve.' That was nothing that I thought of. It was rather something that was charged to me from source, from God, whatever you want to call it.

Xavier Smith:

That is what it came to me. It was something that's given like a fingerprint. If you look at your finger and you realize that there's a unique fingerprint to you. Nobody else on this great planet has the same match as you. And so I started really buying into the fact that I'm unique. I'm powerful. I have been sent here for a purpose. And now, looking back, I realized what that's for. I realized that the heart attack was happening for me, not to me.

 

Surviving a Heart Attack at 29

Gretchen Hernandez:

You haven't told us about your heart attack.

Xavier Smith:

Yeah. Let's get to that, then. So 29, right? The magical age of 29. I'm in the military. And my brother he got a scholarship to play football for ASU. And so that's one of the reasons why I'm here in this sunny state of Arizona. Because my brother had been talking to me about this real estate game. And once his football career was over, he got into real estate, and he told me, Hey, we can make a killing. And it was really white, hot back then.

Xavier Smith:

People back then were buying houses two or three houses at a time without having to prove how much income they were making. And all I needed to do was get a license to get myself in front of these people with this type of money. And, you know, bada boom, bada bang. But I got my license after five times of trying to pass the test. And I was like, oh my God, do I really want this? Cause my brother. He’s a smart guy. He took the test; he passed it on the first time. And I'm like, okay, now I've got some pressure.

Gretchen Hernandez:

I love that you kept trying; most people would get up after the first one or two times, but five times. You're an amazing man.

Xavier Smith:

I appreciate that. But so once I got the license and after my fifth time, and I sold one house. And I realized, you know, maybe this is not where my heart is. Maybe I'm not living my true potential. I mean, I was doing it. I was becoming successful, but I was doing more forcing.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Yeah. And it sounds like at that point; it was more for the money as opposed to helping people.

Xavier Smith:

Yeah, buddy, you said it.

Xavier Smith:

Yeah. At that point, I was still like becoming to know myself. Right. And there was still pieces of myself that I didn't know. And that was one of them. Was I motivated by the money, or was I really motivated by helping? And so that is another question that started seeping into my consciousness.

Xavier Smith:

And because of that, as a result, I switched up my thing to do. I've met my wife. We actually met in real estate school. So I don't want to confuse your audience, but I was married at the time when I had my heart attack. I don't want to digress here, but the heart attack happened when I was 29. I was on vacation here in Arizona, playing basketball with my brother. And it happened on a Friday night, I took a jump shot, and this elephant opened up the doors, sought me out, looked me dead in my eye, and sat on my chest. Right.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Not a very nice elephant.

Xavier Smith:

That's what it felt like, though, because after I took that jump shot, I'm like, oh, I got some pain in my heart. Now, here I am at 29, thinking that it was gas or some sort of indigestion, you know, something no way in the world, would it be a heart attack? So I ended up doing this.

Xavier Smith:

I ended up sleeping on it for the whole weekend. And this, this myocardial infarction was just building up momentum. So Saturday rolls along, and it calmed down a little bit. Cause I wasn't as active. I wasn't running around. Sunday rolls around and it starts getting a little bit worse and a little bit more concentrated. So I say, well, you know what? I'm in the military. I can go to the hospital and have it covered by the fact that I'm active duty.

Xavier Smith:

And so I get my brother to take me to the hospital. And about 45 minutes later, the doctor comes back and says, Mr. Smith, you had a myocardial infarction.

Xavier Smith:

Now, Gretchen, I didn't even know what a myocardial infarction was.

Gretchen Hernandez:

That's a whole lot of big words.

Xavier Smith:

So basically,, in a nutshell, my arteries were clogged by 50% with cholesterol.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Wow.

Xavier Smith:

That at that moment, I was like my whole life flashed in front of me. And within a few minutes, I'm getting tears coming down my eyes. I don't know how to stop them because me and my brother was like, oh my gosh, how does this happen at 29? You know? And so that's when I really had to do some soul searching, like, okay, my poor, mediocre eating habits have just caught up to me.

Xavier Smith:

He didn't say it that way; he was a lot more politically correct. But in a nutshell, I was being mediocre with my eating habits and thought I could eat anything that I wanted.

Xavier Smith:

Now push the fast forward or the rewind button going back to high school. My brother and I were so active. He played football and basketball. I just played basketball. But like, for example, when we were done with our practice, we would sometimes go to the donut shop and get a dozen donuts and polish those bad boys off by the next day. And so those things, those choices, those habits, all mediocre choices, and habits, they just caught up to me. And that heart attack ended up being a wake up call. Because you know, some people have suffered a lot less in their medical life and they're not here.

Xavier Smith:

You ever notice how, when you have a catastrophic event in your life, you all of a sudden want to become deal makers with your source or your guy?

Gretchen Hernandez:

Yes.

Xavier Smith:

That would be, I'm like, okay, Lord, if you see fit for me to make it out of this, I am ready to dedicate my life to something better. Because I know there's something better. If I'm still here, they got to be a reason why.

Xavier Smith:

It was my belief that that happened for me, not to me. Because when you develop a mindset that everything happens for you, you can look for the lessons. You look for the positive reasons. You can look for all the things that you can derive out of that. So you can make yourself better and then turn around and help someone else get better.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Exactly.

Xavier Smith:

So that's what I started subscribing to. And, you know, and after, especially after I made that phone call and forgave my parents, that was my turning point right then. I can go back to it just as clear as day and realized that was the moment in the fork in the road that I took a right instead of a left and just began to process. Okay, this is, this is huge. This is very important. The process of becoming the man that I am today.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Mm yes. Yes. That is exactly it. Cause I've experienced that too of coming to the fork in the road and having to make that decision. And yet, it takes some work afterwards. It's like that, you know, it's like, you think that decision is, you know, the hard thing it's like now you've got some work to do after it. But the purpose that you're going to is so worth it and the number of people that you're going to help in the world because you've gone and done the work on yourself.

Gretchen Hernandez:

You don't even realize all this stuff that you're going to go through. And then afterward, like the next person you're going to help comes to you. And you're like, oh, I went through something like this, and you share what it was. And all of a sudden, they're having breakthroughs, and you're like, oh. Oh, because I did the work and I found that thing for me. And I figured out how to get through it. Now I can help that person. Yeah.

Gretchen Hernandez:

What was all of the growth journey that you went through? What kind of things did you do?

Xavier Smith:

Well, I can start from the beginning. I can tell you about my life of mediocrity. You know, for me, red meat, something that I wasn't supposed to be eating at all. And I'll tell you why here in a moment. I was drinking things like, okay... It's going to be hard for people to put their mind around this, especially once they discover that like I'm like this health guy. But my water back then was not water. It was Mountain Dew.

Xavier Smith:

And so I would do like that. And anytime I get a chance, I tell people that your life boils down to two things: choices and the habits. The choices that you make and the habits that you develop around those choices can lead to who you are or at least to what you're doing. And once I discovered that it was my fault. Like that I did this, I also discovered that I could undo this.

Gretchen Hernandez:

That's empowering.

Xavier Smith:

Yeah. But see, and that's the thing. I had to make that choice to say it was me. And here's where I was. I was doing this also. That time when I was locked up, I was doing a lot of finger-pointing, mainly at my parents, because I was giving them the power. And I realized that it was my power. I didn't have to wait, but I chose to because I blamed them. People in today's society are giving their power away when they choose to blame someone else.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Amen to that. Sheesh. Yes, absolutely.

Xavier Smith:

I realized that I wanted to become the owner and the custodian, and the rent keeper of my own power. And so I had to take it back, and I'm like, okay, okay. In order for me to do that, I have to be the one to take responsibility. That's a big word nowadays. It's responsibility for where I was. It was me.

Xavier Smith:

And once I started or stopped doing the finger-pointing and pointed it at the right person, that's when that mirror shattered. And it revealed who, who are truly was.

Xavier Smith:

And, now the circumstances were not the best, but it's not about the circumstance. It's about your vision of where you're going. And so there's a book or, I'm sorry, a movie that you and I have in common, and it's called the Book of Eli. And that that movie was really poignant for me. The character that Denzel Washington plays, he just had a vision. And he was going to fulfill that no matter what. And in a nutshell, you're going to have to...

Xavier Smith:

Okay, Gretchen, make your audience, give them an assignment that they have to see that movie.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Yes. I agree. I agree.

Xavier Smith:

Because then you will truly understand what I'm talking about when you see the character. He's just moving forward. He gets shot. He gets all kinds of stuff happening to him, but he's still moving forward.

Xavier Smith:

And that played a big part when I have my down days. And I'm like, okay, maybe nobody's listening to me, or maybe I'm not doing the right thing. I have that character in my head, and he's just walking. It's a desolate road, and he's walking by himself, but he's walking. And that helped me come up with my own saying. Which is my train moves forward saying, and all that means is 'I run my business and my life like a train. And you've got three choices when it comes to a moving train, you either get on, you get off, or you get the hell out of the way.'

Xavier Smith:

Because my train has to continue to move forward regardless. And it has to do it in love. So I only focus on and react to, or like to call it, proact, to things that make me feel good and is in alignment with the vision of where I'm going. And that's why me and you are together. You know? So that's how I create my life.

 

Create For Your Life

Xavier Smith:

Do you notice? I’m saying create instead of wait.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Yes. And tell people why. why do you say create?

Xavier Smith:

Because I believe it's just my belief, but you can take it if you want. It's my belief that you don't have to wait on a circumstance to happen. As a matter of fact, it would be better. If you focus on your vision of whatever you want in your life, you can have. As long as you're willing to walk, step-by-step towards it. And every single day, just make yourself decide that you're going to get better. Even if it's just by 1%.

Xavier Smith:

Some people might have a vision of becoming a billionaire, and they don't know where to start. Well, you've made huge strides just by declaring that you want to be a billionaire. So you don't necessarily have to worry about the how's sometimes. You just have to stay clear on your vision. And then the pieces, the universe, God, everything starts to align with your vision so long as you're not hurting anyone. So long as you're not privately gaining by public loss, then should be in the clear.

Gretchen Hernandez:

What do you mean by that? Public loss?

Xavier Smith:

Okay. So there are opportunities out there in the world that can lead to riches beyond your imagination, right? However, you can do it by dirty and dark ways. Or you can do it by things that, you know, make you and everyone around you better.

Xavier Smith:

I don't want to sound political or anything, but there's opportunities to make money. Like I said, you can do it in a positive way, or you can do it in a low down, just taking advantage of people. And I just choose to go take the high road instead of like doing things that are going to beat people over the head or rob them of their dignity. I just can't see myself doing anything like that. So that's what I mean by doing it in the right way.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Yeah. And I think that's part of why you and I are aligned is because we both come from a place where we genuinely want to help people. Yeah. And yes, we're business people, and we need to make an income to take care of our families.

Gretchen Hernandez:

But you had mentioned before about the real estate and how it didn't feel right at first. It's like yeah because that was coming from a place of going after the money. Yes. But when you were fully in line with your values of being there to help people, the money comes with that, right? You know, the income will come, whatever income number you have in mind.

Gretchen Hernandez:

But when you lead with your heart first that you truly want to be of service to other people, you're doing everything on the up and up. And you're finding all the ways to do it in a way that makes it accessible to people. And you've done that for me. Like you and I working together, you made it accessible so that you could give me the support that I needed. And I'm forever grateful for that. And so, I think that's what keeps both of us moving forward and all of us rising together in life and business.

Xavier Smith:

Well, you know, it's so funny I resonate, and I heard, and I feel that word that we both have used, and it's alignment.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Yes.

Xavier Smith:

And it's such a huge difference now. Some of the coaching that I've gone through, I'm certified through Tony Robbins. And he is a big guy on, you know, using your physicality to change your state of mind. So, I'm a big fan of that, but going into my own like particular way that I express in coach, it always has to do with, are you aligned with what you say you want?

Xavier Smith:

And like going back to the real estate, I knew I wasn't aware, however, that I was going for the money because I just saw the dollar signs and how huge that potential was. Now, when I got into personal training, that was more of a service mindset. And like, for example, when I first got serious. Physically got licensed and certified and like legally could help people get better through movement that was back in 2007.

Xavier Smith:

And, I decided to, you know, my wife was in real estate. I was working in real estate, but all the ladies in the real estate office were like, I'm looking for something to do on the weekends. And so this little bootcamp happened where the five ladies just, we met on a weekend, we met outside. I had a bunch of experience from the military cause I was out of the military at that point.

Xavier Smith:

So I'm like, okay, well let me share what I know, take all my boxing experience, my amateur boxing life, my Brazilian jiu jitsu life, and culminate that into something that they can do for 30 minutes. And they loved it. And here's, here's this. The beautiful part is I get to tell women what to do. And they listened!

Gretchen Hernandez:

Oh gosh. Oh my gosh, that's funny. I could take that in so many different directions, but I'm not going to.

Xavier Smith:

Don't make me blush. So yeah, we have fun with that, and it just kinda grew from there. And that's what I mean when I talk about alignment. Because I had one happy thought that led to another happy thought, and it all had to do with serving first. I was only charging like five bucks a person. So it's obviously I wasn't going to become a billionaire doing that, but I felt good by doing it.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Yes.

Xavier Smith:

So that's kind of how the whole business model has remained. You know, I got certified in other modalities and using all the things that I had gone through the heart attack, which led to me going to nutrition school and getting certified as a nutritionist.

Xavier Smith:

So yeah, everything that I have gone through because I looked at my life as a victorious person, instead of a victim, I had realized that this stuff happened for me, so I can do this and then I can do that. And it's all for the fact that I get to turn around and help people out. Similar to the way you're doing your stuff.

 

Work with Coach X

Gretchen Hernandez:

Yeah. So can you tell my audience what's everything that you offer to people now?

Xavier Smith:

Whew, Boy.

Gretchen Hernandez:

It's a long list. I know, right?

Xavier Smith:

So, I mainly online because this online platform is the pretty much the only platform I have found that will enable me to help way more people than I could ever imagine doing it one-on-one or here in the local area. So people can reach out to me through my online training app.

Xavier Smith:

Based on the conversation we have, I can put you in my solutions where I can help you with your fitness. I also do nutrition coaching, you know, using my heart attack as my main reason for sharing my knowledge.

Xavier Smith:

Earlier, we were talking about how it's important to know what I eat now instead of eating the things. I was guessing at what I was supposed to be eating a long time ago. But now I learned about like things like blood type and how important your blood type is to your overall health and diet.

Xavier Smith:

So I can help people out in that respect. And then if people have issues with just general life, they're not meeting their goals, they're having relationship issues or things of that nature, we can have a conversation, and I can be with you and help you learn how to help yourself. Because I always want to coach in such a manner that someday you may not even need me because you have done enough of your own work that you can help someone else out.

Xavier Smith:

That's the power I want to give to you, but I need to be able to meet you right where you are, the good, the bad, and mostly the ugly at that point. And then we get to sift through all the unwanted stuff in your life. So we again can create what you truly desire.

Xavier Smith:

And, so that's me in a nutshell, and it just depends on a conversation. If people can have the courage to reach out to me and tell me what they really need to tell me. Great things happen when the trust is open.

Gretchen Hernandez:

And how can everybody reach you?

Xavier Smith:

Ooh. I'm pretty big on social media. You can always reach out to me on my Facebook profile. I have a website it's called mrxlsmith.com. That actually was my first website. When I really started thinking that, Hey, I can help a lot more people. That's the first domain that I bought, and it's still up and running. It's it's I do a lot of the stuff by myself, so I'm pretty proud of the way it looks. And that's a website that people can land on and reach out to me there as well.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Great. And can they find you on Facebook?

Xavier Smith:

Yeah. It'll be easier for me to send you a link if that's possible.

Instagram
LinkedIn

YouTube

Pinterest

Facebook

Gretchen Hernandez:

I'm going to put all of your links onto the webpage for this podcast episode so that people can reach you.

Xavier Smith:

That would be perfect. And that way I can be in the receptive mode to anybody that needs me.

Gretchen Hernandez:

That fantastic. And, and for anyone that is curious about what it is that Coach X has helped me with, let's just say everything. So, and the reason why I reached out to him was because of his energy level and of all things because being a business person, I'm trying to learn from other people, it was some videos that he had created, and he looked so professional in these videos. Like, he seemed like someone, you know, right off a TV with like a huge production crew. And this man is doing all these things on his own. Like, he's found all of these really cool tools and all these different ways of doing things because he talks about going from being mediocre to being excellent. And he's got all sorts of excellent solutions.

Gretchen Hernandez:

So when I hooked up with him, it was for some of the business tools. And then I learned, oh, he does fitness stuff too. Right? So like for most of the world, they're going to see him as he does all this stuff for fitness. But for me, I was like, Ooh, but he does his business stuff and he's got this energy. And so when we started working together, it was for all of it and trying to figure out as a business owner, how do you fit fitness into your day-to-day stuff?

Gretchen Hernandez:

And as a solopreneur, trying to wedge it in like a minute here, a minute there, and like, look at the nutrition because we're so focused on starting a brand new business that trying to also incorporate taking care of our body, if that's challenging. But Coach X has been able to help me to do that. So I am very grateful. So whatever you need, Coach X is going to be great to help you out. So do you have any parting words for our audience? Some words of wisdom?

Xavier Smith:

Well, the one that comes to mind right off the bat is this, folks, there are plenty, okay, plenty of opportunities for you to choose. And hopefully, if you do and start becoming aware of your internal being. The choices that you make will lean towards the side of excellence. As I like to leave my audience when I'm doing my live streams is a question. It's a real simple question. Why be mediocre when you can be excellent?

Gretchen Hernandez:

Xavier, thank you so much for taking time out of your day to talk with me and to share your message and all of your stories with my audience. Thank you.

Gretchen Hernandez:

So are you feeling energized now? I know I get energy just by spending five minutes with Coach X. I highly encourage you to go check out his website, check out his Facebook page. Both of those links are on the webpage for this episode. That's at myfreedomgrove.com/podcast-49.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Checking out his stuff, especially his videos, you are going to catch his energy. It's quite infectious, and it feels so good. All right, my friends, this is Thanksgiving week in the United States. So happy Thanksgiving. I know I am super grateful to have all of you in my life, and I look forward to many, many more years together. Take care. Bye bye.

 

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Thank you for listening to My Freedom Grove Podcast. I can't wait to work with you directly. I'll help you to be your authentic self, to have amazing relationships, and to live your purpose. I invite you to check out Unshakable Men and Unshakable Women. The Unshakable programs will give you all of the tools, the coaching and the community to help you rise in life, relationships, and business. To learn more, go to MyFreedomGrove.com/workwithme. I can't wait to see you there.