You are listening to My Freedom Grove podcast with Gretchen Hernandez, episode 41. 

Welcome to My Freedom Grove podcast. This is where strong people, just like you come to have honest, open discussions about anxiety, depression, and frustration, but we don't stop there. We go deeper by learning and applying mindset management tools to once and for all break free from the pain. So we can actually enjoy our lives. I'm your host, Gretchen Hernandez. I'm so glad you joined us.

Hey there, my strong friends, Hey, this is a special bonus episode. Today September 23rd, is Bisexual Visibility Day. I am a huge LGBTQ advocate and Bi Visibility Day is something that was just brought to my attention last week. This is so important. I'm sure that you're well aware that we have plenty of people that are straight. We have plenty of people that are gay or lesbian, you know about transgender, but it's time to start talking about being bisexual.

 

The Kinsey Sexuality Spectrum

There's a sexuality spectrum. It is a scale from one to six that helps to explain what your sexual preference is. So a level one is where you're straight. You're only attracted to the opposite sex. A level two it's someone who is predominantly attracted to the opposite sex, but there might be a small sliver where they're actually interested in people of the same sex.

And then you have a level three. This is someone who is equally attracted to both sexes. This is a true bisexual. And then you have a level four who is mainly interested in the same sex but has a small interest in opposite sex. And then there's the level six, which is interested in only the same sex. So this is your traditional gay or lesbian category.

In today's episode, I'm going to introduce you to my favorite bisexual person on this planet. My husband, I am so proud of this man. He has come out of the closet very late in his life because there were a lot of prejudice against him while he was growing up and throughout his twenties and thirties. So it wasn't until right around age 40 that he came out of the closet. So I would love to introduce you to my husband, Ricky Hernandez so that you can hear his story and learn what it's like to be a bisexual man.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Hi Ricky. I'm so glad that my audience finally gets to meet you. Can you tell them a little bit about you?

Ricky Hernandez:

Well, my name is Ricky Hernandez as your listeners. Now, now I'm your husband, and I'm a proud bisexual. I like to consider myself a Bisexual Awareness Advocate. And I'm here to say that as a bisexual, we, as unicorns, do exist, and we are real.

Gretchen Hernandez:

So why do you mention unicorns? And that you're a real? Do people think that you're not real?

Ricky Hernandez:

Well? We are often compared to unicorn just because, like unicorns, bisexuals don't exist. Well, at least to some people, at least that's the way I felt pretty much my whole life. I felt like I didn't have a place in this world that we didn't exist because as growing up, I've only heard you could either be gay or straight, and there was no in the middle. It was either you liked boys, or you liked girls. And if you liked a boy, you're gay; there was no in-between.

Gretchen Hernandez:

So how did you know that you were bisexual? Like, think about when you started growing up. When did you first start becoming aware of this?

Ricky Hernandez:

Well, as growing up my childhood earliest back, I could remember where I first was attracted to someone was in kindergarten. I was playing in the playground with a little girl. And I remember I, that was probably my first childhood crush and we played recess the entire day and rode around in the little bikes. And you know, that was my first childhood crush was with a girl.

Ricky Hernandez:

And not until, you know, growing up as a little boy, I, you know, had other crushes on girls, but I also remember watching Saturday morning cartoons. And then, way back then, for some reason, they decided to throw in a Menudo video. And anyone that doesn't know Menudo, back then, the lead singer was Ricky Martin. And Ricky Martin was exactly my age. And I saw him on TV singing. And I was like, who is this hot boy?

Ricky Hernandez:

And he was my first like real boy crush is Ricky Martin. And I was like, oh my gosh, you know, I like boys, but in school, I've just liked girls. And so he was really like the first boy that I realized I had a crush on where I realized I liked boys too. It was Ricky Martin. So thank you, Ricki. And, but yeah, but he was also the crush of every girl at that time, too.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Oh yeah, me too.

Ricky Hernandez:

And so, you know, Ricky Martin got really popular and for obvious reasons. Yeah. And so then I was very confused. I didn't realize I was thinking, well, I must be gay because if you like, boys you are gay, but then I didn't understand because I also liked girls.

Gretchen Hernandez:

So when was your first in-person time that you found a boy that you liked?

Ricky Hernandez:

It wasn't until the second grade? I know it seems early. I can't even think about how old I am when I'm in the second grade, but I know it was in the second grade when I had a sleepover at my friend's house. And I realized that I liked him more than a friend. I didn't tell him that I that's when I had a crush on someone that I went to school with that was male besides female. And then in third grade, which is also very young. It was my brother's birthday, and he had a sleepover, and he had more than one friend spending the night. And one of the friends spent the night in my bedroom. And, he was also my friend as well, but he was more of my brother's friend at the time.

Ricky Hernandez:

And during the course of that night, me and him, that's when I had my first sexual experience with a boy. I remember going to school the next day. And he saw me in the hallway and, and he was just like, Hey, you know, like that was, you know, a real good time that we had at your brother's party, whatever. And I was kinda like embarrassed that he was like saying that in the hallway because I didn't want anyone to find out, and I don't want anyone to think I was gay.

Ricky Hernandez:

I wanted to keep it a secret because I still, I still didn't think I was gay because I liked girls too. And plus, back then, being gay, you know, I was already being bullied. So back then, I was acting more flamboyant and feminine in my mannerisms. And I was being bullied a lot because of it.

Ricky Hernandez:

And people would call me gay. I remember this one kid that sat behind me, used to spit in his hand and act like he was jerking it off. And say hey looked Ricky and he'd like throw it in my face and, and just stuff like that. I was constantly being bullied. And so I thought, you know, of course, I don't want anyone to think I'm gay. And besides, I didn't even think of myself as gay because I was still trying to figure myself out. Because I can't be gay if I like girls.

Ricky Hernandez:

All through school. All through High School. And elementary school was just horrible for me. I was very isolated. I was very depressed. Even though some kids now remember me as a funny, happy guy, I, at times I remember I had, you know, I do have a sense of humor and a lot of you know, they say comedians are the people that are most depressed.

Ricky Hernandez:

And so I guess in a way, I might've been the class clown or always seemed the happy guy with the jokes to cover up who I really was. But even in high school, I remember being so confused. I'd be walking to, and there'd be a cheerleader in front of me that I really had a crush on. And then I'd be, you know, wanting to ask her out. And then this boy would come along that I also had a crush on at the same time. And I remember watching them, watching them both in front of me, walking to school, and I'd walk behind them.

Ricky Hernandez:

And I would think, I used to think to myself, you have to choose one Ricky, which one would you choose? And I remember thinking, I like that one a lot, but I also like that one a lot. And I couldn't choose again because it's like, come on, you're either gay or straight. What are you? I still didn't even know anything at that time that bisexuals existed because no one ever talked about it. I didn't know. There was such a thing.

Gretchen Hernandez:

When was the first time that you started to see any indications that there was someone else out there like you?

Ricky Hernandez:

Like I said, as a kid, the first gay person I remember seeing on TV is as far as I can remember was in the movie Airplane. There was a very flamboyant air traffic control guy, "to the tower Rapunzel," and he does funny things. And he was the first gay man I remember seeing on TV, actually. And then, but not until recently in a show called Schitt's Creek, there's a character on the show that considers himself pansexual. Which is, you know, you like males, females, and you could also be attracted to transgender. But in the show, you know, he comes on, and he's very flamboyant like me, and he kinda dresses like me, except he wears skirts. I'm not there. I wear capris. But, he comes on the show, and his first crush was with a girl, and he sleeps with her and everything. But then he also, you know, um, ends up being with a male on the show. And, I was like, this has never represented where a guy could like a female and a male. And you know, his family is accepting of him. What is this? You know this isn't on TV, and here it was.

Gretchen Hernandez:

So we've been very fortunate that that's out now on Netflix. We got to watch that during the pandemic. It's been great. But during your twenties, were there any TV shows that said anything about being bisexual?

Ricky Hernandez:

No, like there was nothing. I didn't even know bisexuals really existed. But there was an episode that I remember watching. I used to be a big fan of Sex and the City. And there's an episode in which Carrie dates a bisexual man and says, you know, in her thinking ways when she's thinking, "I'm not even sure bisexuality exists, I think it's just a layover on the way to gay town." And I remember her me thinking that she's saying this, but this is what everyone believes, you know, that bisexuals don't exist, that you're either gay or straight. And this was, you know, Sex and the City. That was like the biggest, most popular show. And you know, if Carrie's saying it, not only does Carrie believe it, but probably every one of her viewers believes it.

Gretchen Hernandez:

So how did this affect you as you're thinking about your adult life?

Ricky Hernandez:

Well, of course, you know, I didn't come out. I kept, I finally realized what I am. I'm bisexual. That there, that there is a name for it. And, you know, I was happy to find out I'm not the only one that there must be others like me out there.

Gretchen Hernandez:

When you think back to your early twenties, and you're headed out onto your adult life, and you know that you like women, and you know that you like men. Was there anything that influenced you in your choice as you pursued relationships?

Ricky Hernandez:

I knew I wanted to have children. I wanted some part of me to live on after I'm not here. And then I don't know; I really wanted children bad. And I knew the only way to have children. I didn't want to adopt because I wanted my own children. You know, I wanted, you know, decided to be with a female so I could have children.

Ricky Hernandez:

And I also thought in my mind, that's the path to least pain. You know, where if the other way I would always be discriminated against and, you know, and he called names, and I didn't want to have to live my life that way. So, my first marriage, I didn't tell my then-wife that I was bisexual. I kept it a secret, but I remember when we first started dating that we were over at a friend's house. And, it was either her mother or the friend's mother came into the room and met me for the first time.

Ricky Hernandez:

And then I went into the bathroom, and she announced, "oh, who's the gay guy." And everyone laughed. And my ex-wife at the time said, "you know, that's my boyfriend." And they all laughed. And then I came out of the bathroom, and they were all still laughing, and I was all, “what’s going on.” And, you know, they finally told me, oh, you know, she thought you were gay. And I just remember feeling so embarrassed and ashamed at that moment. Like, how was I showing it like, oh my goodness. You know, they're going to find out, you know. Plus what is my, at that time, girlfriend think about this.

Ricky Hernandez:

Like right now, she thinks, you know, everyone's making fun of her boyfriend. That I must be really acting flamboyant or doing something wrong if they think I'm gay. So I kept it a secret, of course, and probably played myself up to be more straight than what I was. You know, like, oh, I better really start playing straight. What do straight guys do during football? So I started wearing like football jackets, which is crazy. Anyone that knows me knows I'm not a football fan, but I bought like Raider jackets, and I had a 49er sweater, you know, stuff like that to me look more straight and manly. I must have been doing something wrong if a woman walks into a room and says, "Hey, who's the gay guy?" So, yeah. So I just, you know, tried to manly up, I guess.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Was there ever a time that you had shared with your first wife that you were bisexual?

Ricky Hernandez:

I ended up coming out to her, but I think she finally just guessed or asked the question. I'm not really sure how it came. All I know is back in when I was in the Marine Corps, and we finally got married; I got into really good shape. And then I happened to find out that Playgirl was looking for just normal men to be in their magazine. The reason I found this out because I was secretly looking at Playgirl magazine and saw an ad in there saying that they were looking for models. You know, normal men models.

Ricky Hernandez:

And so I decided to audition and send in my pictures. And, I guess they liked what they saw cause I appeared in the May 2002 issue of Playgirl magazine. And so I told my wife at the time, I was like, oh, we gotta subscribe to this magazine in order for me to get it. It's the issue I'm in.

Ricky Hernandez:

But I told her, I said, but you had to put the subscription in your name because, of course, we're on a Marine Corps base, and I'm in the Marines. And no way a Playgirl Magazine could be coming for Lance Corporal Ricky Hernandez. That just wouldn't work. So I had to make sure, you know, my wife's name was on the subscription.

Ricky Hernandez:

But, I think she found basically out when, you know, this subscription would come monthly, and I was the only one looking at the magazine basically. And then, then, you know, the subscription got renewed. Where it's like, wait a minute, this is going on long enough, you know, what's the deal? And so, you know, I did tell my ex-wife that I was attracted to men. My wife was a hairdresser and, you know, she worked with a gay male hairdresser. Who at the time, you know, she would go, and I guess she told him that, "Hey, my husband likes guys." He likes looking at naked guys or whatever.

Ricky Hernandez:

And so, he told my wife that, "oh, your husband's gay." There's no such thing as being bisexual. You're either gay or straight. Like, he's eventually going to leave you for a man. If he likes men, he's gonna eventually leave you for a man. And so, my wife had all these thoughts in our head. 'He's not bisexual; he’s gay. He's going to leave me for a man. And he's going to go cheat on me with a man.' And, and so she came to me and she was like telling me these things. And I guess in the, you know, she wasn't happy. And I guess in the end; it played a big part in the deterioration of our marriage.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Did you have anyone you could turn to for support during that time?

Ricky Hernandez:

No. There was no one. Even though my mom is an out lesbian, she's never been very supportive of me. And, even when I first was trying to figure myself out, you know, I told her that I think I was gay, and she just basically told me, just stay in the closet. It's a hard life that it would be easier, you know, being with a woman and being straight. And, you know, I see it, and I've been in the closet, you know, I lived half of my life in the closet. As plain, as a straight male to my friends. I lied to my family, half of my life, pretending to be someone I'm not.

Gretchen Hernandez:

So how does that transition into our marriage?

Ricky Hernandez:

When I met you, I was attracted to you right away. As I am attracted to females. And so, we got married, but I wasn't truthful with you either. Once again, I was still in the closet. This time I knew I was bisexual, but I wasn't going to tell anyone I'm bisexual.

Ricky Hernandez:

So we got married, and I didn't tell you, and you caught me several times. You know, walking into the bedroom. And I put my phone down right away or hide my phone, put it under my leg, or just throw it down real quick or turn it off. And you would catch me do this several times until, you know, like any wife would think that their husband is cheating on them or having an affair. And so one time, you caught me do it.

Ricky Hernandez:

And it was obvious that I was hiding my phone and you were angry. And you said, give me your phone. And I just remembered saying, please, it's nothing. And you were like, you wanted to see who I was talking to. And I was like, I ain't talking to anyone. And so you ended up taking my phone, and you made me unlock it. And then you locked yourself into the bathroom.

Ricky Hernandez:

And I was so scared of what you were about to find on my phone. Cause I knew what I was doing. I was looking at naked pictures of men, and I knew I was about to get outed. And that you were going to find out and that you would think I was gay and that you would leave me. And, I was just scared. And all our children were home at the time, all five kids. I didn't want them to know. I didn't want my daughters or your kids to know.

Ricky Hernandez:

But you came out of the bathroom after me banging and pleading on the door, you came out and you saw what you saw. And right away, I was apologizing and try to explain myself and telling you I'm not gay. But your reaction was different than what I thought I was going to be.

Gretchen Hernandez:

The way that you got outed. I still feel horrible, I definitely was having my female freak out time thinking you were cheating on me. And I thought, that's it. I've put up with this long enough. And so then when I saw what you were actually looking at, oh my gosh, I felt so much relief. It's like, okay, cool. You're not cheating on me. And you were so upset about it. And I was like, all right, like, no big deal. I thought of all of the people, I'm the safest person for you to be married to right now since I've been an LGBT advocate for such a long time.

Gretchen Hernandez:

And one thing that I guess you didn't really realize about me is that I've always been attracted to gay men, and I'd always get so disappointed to find out that they were not into women. So when I found out that you were bisexual, I felt like I hit the freaking lottery. I got this awesome man, who's flamboyant, and he's into me. It was so freaking cool. So, but I would never want anyone to get outed before they were ready. 

 

And there's a lot of reasons for why people wouldn't want to share. They get scared. But, what were the next couple of weeks like for you at that point?

Ricky Hernandez:

Well, instead of me being embarrassed, you told me... Because I was, I felt very ashamed after I was outted. As a matter of fact, I was crying, and you were like, what's wrong? And I was like, cause I didn't want you to know. I didn't want anyone to know that was my secret. I just didn't want people to think bad of me. I didn't want my family to think bad of me. I didn't want to lose my friends, the few friends that I did have. I mean, I just felt, I felt very ashamed at first. But then you started telling me that I needed to be celebrated and that, you know. You even said I need to be on a float.

Ricky Hernandez:

And so, and so I'd never been to the Pride Parade. And so me and you went to our first Pride Parade. I'm not sure what year it was, but we went to our first Pride Parade. And I didn't know what to expect. I had never been to one. We went to the Pride Parade in San Francisco. And I was looking for... okay, well, I'm there. I see a lot of rainbow flags, but I didn't see very many bisexuals or bisexual representation. There was a lot of gay men there, and there was a lot of lesbians there. And transgender was well-represented as well. But the bisexual community, I saw very few.

Gretchen Hernandez:

How would you be able to recognize a bisexual at a Pride Parade?

Ricky Hernandez:

Well, the bisexual flag is pink, purple and blue stripes, and those are our colors. So I didn't see very much of that there the first time or the second or third time that we went. I've been several times after that. But we're not represented well. So each time I started was like, well, I'm gonna represent. And so I started buying more Pride gear with pink, purple, blue. And you know, I'd go there and represent myself and the bisexual community.

Ricky Hernandez:

And you told me I needed to be celebrated. And so I was out to you, but I wasn't out to anyone else. Oddly enough, around the same time, my daughter came out on Facebook. And I thought to myself if she was brave enough to do it to the world, you know, that I was going to be brave enough to do it as well.

Ricky Hernandez:

And that same day, I wrote a post on Facebook telling the world that I was bisexual. I posted a picture of the bisexual flag and a picture of me just basically telling the world who I was. That this is me. I did it. I pressed send. And I sat there and I waited. And to see what was going to happen next. I was; I remember I'd never been so scared in my life. My hands were sweaty. I think I might've cried.

Ricky Hernandez:

The reception was well; I found most people liked it. a lot loved it. I did lose a couple of friends who decided to unfriend me. Which was okay because most of them were just co-workers and not true friends. Anyway, some unfriended me from high school. And that was okay because I was bullied in high school, and I didn't have very many real friends in high school. So I was okay with that. The ones that were unfriending me, none really hurt. I was concerned. I didn't have very many too good friends.

Ricky Hernandez:

I had one really good friend. His name is Ray. He's like my brother, no sexual attraction to him whatsoever. Trust me.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Sorry, Ray.

Ricky Hernandez:

Sorry, Ray. You're not my type. But I was so concerned of what he was going to think of me. And I didn't want to lose him as a friend because he was my brother. He was also a big fan of WWE, and he was like the main one that I was concerned about when I sent that post. "Oh my God, what is he gonna think of me?" Cause I can't lose him as a friend because he's my best friend. I didn't want to lose that friendship. And that was a big fear of mine. And so I was very happy when Ray did some stupid joke and just laughed at me and just told me I was dumb. Ramian Ray knew it was going to be okay.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Oh gosh, I've got tears in my eyes right now. It's like everything you're going through. I'm so grateful for Ray. So grateful. As much as I love you and I want to celebrate you. I didn't want to see your heartbroken.

Ricky Hernandez:

Yeah. So, I was very relieved and thankful. And then Ray has always been a good friend, and he was, he's always been there for me.

Gretchen Hernandez:

So your life is starting to change into more of an advocate for bisexuality. Can you share some of the ways that you do that?

Ricky Hernandez:

Well, I have bought a lot of Pride gear. So I have a lot of t-shirts with pink, purple, and blue on them and the bisexual flag. And other bisexual shirts that just might even say funny little sayings on it, but I wear that. Every time I go out now, it says we have to wear a mask. I bought a mask that is the bisexual flag. And, and I just, I put a blue streak in my hair. I wanted to do, you know, pink and purple as well. But with these times, it's kind of hard to get to a salon. But, I dress the way I want to dress now. I always wanted to wear capris.

Ricky Hernandez:

In high school, I used to see all the popular girls wearing capris, and I used to be like, I want to wear capris. Why can't I wear capris? I got nice-looking legs. But you know, no boys would ever wear that. I'm going to be who I want to be and dress the way I want to dress and show the world, you know, it's okay.

Gretchen Hernandez:

How does it feel when you're out in public, and you get to dress how you want to dress and wear your colors?

Ricky Hernandez:

Well, the other day I took a trip to Target, and you were with me. And I was wearing, I was feeling really good about myself, I had on my capris, and an anklet and I had a t-shirt that's the bisexual flag. And in the bisexual flag is a picture of a unicorn. And I was walking into target, and these two black males were coming out of Target. And one of them looked at me and said, Hey, I like your shirt. And kind of startled me at first. And I looked up at him, and then he gave me the thumbs up. And, you know, even though he had a mask on, I could tell he was smiling, and it just made me feel real good about myself. And then I could tell it made him feel good that he saw someone that was representing him. And it felt good to make a connection that, Hey, I'm not the only one out there we're out there. And it just felt good.

Gretchen Hernandez:

I think it's really important that bisexuals start to be visible. That people understand that you're not unicorns. You're just regular people like everybody else, and that you do exist. So last week, when a friend of mine told me that every September 23rd is Bi Visibility Day, I thought, oh my gosh, we have to do something. So we decided to do this podcast together. And I noticed that you came home with some papers in your hand.

Ricky Hernandez:

Yeah. Well I knew it was gonna be on your podcast. And I also know that My Freedom Grove deal with a lot of mental health issues. So I wanted to see; I was just curious to see if I could tie being bisexual with your podcast of the mental health issues.

Ricky Hernandez:

And I was actually startled for some of the statistics I found. That only 12% of the bisexual men and 32% of bisexual women are out of the closet. The data shows that the bisexuals, in comparison with straight or gay or lesbian individuals report increased experience of depression and suicide so much that the risk of suicide is 35% for bisexual men where it's 25% for gay men and 7% for straight men.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Why do you think that the risk of suicide is so much higher for bisexual men?

Ricky Hernandez:

I also read that bisexuals can experience what they call bi-phobia. It's a dislike or a prejudice against bisexual people, similar to discrimination experienced by the lesbian and gay peers. But bisexuals also experienced something called monosexism. It's the belief that people are only heterosexual, lesbian or gay, that bisexuals don't exist. And so, the stigma and discrimination can result in social isolation of bisexuals from both straight and lesbian and gay communities. It's called bi-erasure, which is the dismissal of the existence of bisexuality.

Gretchen Hernandez:

And I think you experienced that for most of your life

Ricky Hernandez:

And experiencing it. And you know, you're either gay or straight. I heard it on Sex and the City. I heard it from my wife's hairdresser friend. There's no such thing as bisexuals. And you know, that's why we're called unicorns, too. We're just like unicorns; it’s like we don't exist.

Gretchen Hernandez:

So now that you've come out, you've been living your life out and proud as a bisexual man, and your whole family is now in full support. How does it feel?

Ricky Hernandez:

I feel good now. One thing I forgot to mention earlier, I think it was my first Pride Parade. I remember going there and seeing a sign that said LGBTQ, but the B had an X through it. And that was at the Pride Parade where, even there, they were trying to say we didn't exist. So there was even in the own community of the LGBTQ community, there's a group of people that, you know, doesn't accept us. That thinks now you're either gay or straight, or you just don't exist that. I remember seeing that sign, and I didn't even quite understand it at the time. I didn't know about bi-erasure that there was such a thing. But even though I was kind of feeling it my whole life, I didn't know there was a word for it.

Gretchen Hernandez:

One of the great things that I found out when I learned about Bi Visibility Day was that there are lots of activities that are going on. There are groups all over the world that recognize bisexuality. They have support groups. It's actually beyond support groups.

Gretchen Hernandez:

When I was telling Ricky that he needed to celebrate who he was as his authentic person. That's exactly what these groups are doing. They're getting together, they're having trivia nights and cocktail hours. There's a lot of activities over Zoom. So if you're someone that is bisexual, or maybe you're just kind of still caught in that confused state, there are groups that you can join that can give you that extra support so that, you know, you're not the only one. 

 

So Ricky, what would that have meant to you if you were in a group of a bunch of other bisexual people?

Ricky Hernandez:

Well, back then, that would've meant everything. Like I said, I felt very alone and many suicidal thoughts. And so to know that there was others like me and to have that group of support would have meant everything back then. Now, I haven't joined a group like that as of yet. I would like to if I could find one. I do belong to a Men's Feelings Matter group, which I enjoy, that I meet with every Wednesday. Which you're a part of, invite only.

Ricky Hernandez:

And that's something new for me, cause I always kept my feelings to myself. I never discussed it; I lived my whole life hiding my true self. And so that's the way I've always been. You know, I'm never gonna talk to a stranger or a therapist or a coach or someone like that because I felt no one's going to give me advice cause no one knows my life. No one knows what it's like to be me. Cause there's no one like me. There's no such thing as bisexual.

Ricky Hernandez:

So how are they going to understand what I'm going through? And that's what I always thought. So I kept it to myself. These are my problems. I'm not gonna tell anybody. But in this new group Men's Feelings Matter, I found that even though I don't know these people and it's over Zoom and they've never seen me before; I find it really easy to let them know or discuss my feelings. Or if any problems I'm having for the day. It's a new thing that I'm not used to, but, I'm enjoying. So I would be interested in joining other groups as well.

Gretchen Hernandez:

If some of our listeners wanted to reach out to you or learn more about you, how could they find you?

Ricky Hernandez:

Well, I'm on Facebook, I'm Ricky Hernandez. And also, I am a member of My Freedom Grove and the Men's Feelings Matter Group. I do a lot of postings. I try to be inspirational at times. I do post a lot of selfies for self-motivation. It's my therapy. I do modeling shoots. Sometimes I like to just leave little uplifting things to say. And I represent, you know, my colors all the time by leaving little pink, purple, and blue hearts. I do advocate for bisexual awareness on there.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Would you be open to people making friend requests?

Ricky Hernandez:

Of course! I'll be friends with anyone, but yeah. But then they have to put up with my selfies. And so, like who's this guy modeling all the time? That's me get used to it. Like it, love it.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Oh Boy.

Ricky Hernandez:

Anyway, but yeah. Anyone that wants to friend me, go ahead, or has any questions feel free to instant message me. If anyone would like to talk or feel that they've been going through anything that's kind of similar, which I've been going through my whole life. That hey, I'm attracted to males and females, and no one understands me.

Ricky Hernandez:

Believe me, I'll understand you. So, yeah, you can talk to me. As far as advice goes, you know, I could just give you the advice that through my life experiences, what I've had to deal with, but each person deals with their own journey, and each journey is different.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Ricky, I want to thank you for being courageously vulnerable with us today. It takes those very courageous people to step forward and be some of the first ones to say, yeah, we do exist. And by you doing that, you are doing your part to change this world. And I want to thank you for that. I'm very grateful. I am sure that many of our listeners out there have been struggling with this their whole life, and you've now become their light house, their beacon of hope. And that's a very important role to have. So thank you.

Ricky Hernandez:

Thank you. And I just want to say it's okay to be who you are. It's okay to be flamboyant. It's okay to dress the way you want to dress and just be your true self. I'm so much happier now that I'm my true self. And I also want to thank you, Gretchen, for helping me become my true self.

Gretchen Hernandez:

Well, I am one happy wife to have you as my husband. Well, thank you so much for coming on this podcast.

Ricky Hernandez:

Thank you for having me!

Gretchen Hernandez:

Part of the reason why I founded My Freedom Grove was to help people just like Ricky; be able to celebrate being their authentic selves. There's so much judgment in the world. It's time to learn how to be Unshakable. Once you're Unshakable, the opinions and judgments of other people will no longer phase you. I offer two services to help people with this. One option is the One-On-One Coaching. That's private coaching.

And the other is through the Unshakable Program. That's my men's monthly online group coaching program. (Now a Unshakable Women Program!)

You've also heard Ricky mentioned Men's Feelings Matter. This is a free support group that I've created. You can go onto Facebook and search for Men's Feelings Matter and request to join. Every week we have a men's support group call. That's a zoom call where compassionate men can get together to be able to support each other and help each other rise.

If you or someone you know is struggling with their sexuality and feeling comfortable with being their authentic self, please reach out to me. I am here to support you every step of the way.

My friends, I want you to get out there, celebrate who you are, and have a fantastic week. I'll talk to you soon. Bye-bye.

Thank you for listening to My Freedom Grove Podcast. I hope this podcast provided you some relief and some inspiration. If you know somebody else that can benefit from this podcast, please share the link with them together. I know we can make a difference. To access more podcasts and offerings, please visit www.MyFreedomGrove.com Until next time, take care of yourself. This world needs you.