Post 1: Are you a Superhero Running on Fumes?

How long have you been taking on the world?  

You're strong and capable.  You push through everything.  Everyone knows you Kick Ass and Get Shit Done!  Others look at you with amazement at everything you can do.  You are the "go to person" when all hell breaks loose or something is too difficult. You can spin the plates of career, children, relationships with the best of them!

How's that working out for you?

It's getting to be too much, isn't it?  Are you feeling overwhelmed, resentful or depressed.  You may not show signs of it on the outside, but inside your light is probably fading fast. Something has to change in a big way or you are not going to make it much longer.   

 I know, I was there too... 

I gave everything I had to everyone else.  I had nothing left for myself.  But then again, I thought it would be selfish to give myself any of my time, effort or (gasp! eww!) love. 

  *Gives, helps and does things for others

 And, here I was...an overachiever!  Damn it! 

Running on Fumes

When I'm feeling overwhelmed and worn out, I picture myself as a survival lamp.  As long as there is enough fuel left in my jar, my flame will keep burning bright.  The rest of the world is able to see that I am strong and steady in any condition.  But, being a "good person", I generously offer to pour my fuel into the jars of others whose flames are not as strong.  Even when my jar is running really low, I still give.  I refill my own jar regularly.  The occasional "thank you", "you're great", "I appreciate you" sentiments from others also helps to refill my jar.  The problem is, the amount of fuel I use or donate is WAY more than what is coming in.

 I realized too late that I pushed myself to the brink of where I only had fumes left.  As I looked to the others I had helped, they were still waiting for me to help them.  I was the one that needed help this time.  But, nobody believed the "Pig in the Brick House" would need help.  They scoffed and told me how good I had it.  They told me I didn't need help.  In fact, some even shamed me when I said I had nothing left to give them.  I had nobody to talk to that would consider my feeble request for help as valid.

"Just Say No" doesn't work for me

My strong friends, how many times have you heard "Just Say No" when  you shared that you had too much on your plate of responsibilities?  Good meaning people love to give that advice.  What is your reaction?  I smile and nod while in my head I'm yelling "You have no clue!  There is no way I can say no!"  But, I've learned not to share that with them.  Because then the lecture starts...you know exactly what I mean, don't you?

 Do you ever wonder why it is so hard to say no?  I'm sure you can list a few reasons.  I was able to list tons of reasons.  They all come down to the word Should.  I call it Should Shaming.  Unfortunately, I was an expert at Should Shaming myself and reacting when others Should Shamed me.

White Light Moment

I faced a white light moment. I couldn't do this anymore.  Everything was just too much.  Too much work, too difficult, everybody needed me and all I had was fumes.  I wanted to escape.  I wanted to run away from my life.  Honestly, I thought if this was how life was, I didn't want anymore of it.  I wanted out.

I had a decision to make.

Option 1: I needed to become a different version of myself where I make myself my 1st priority.

Option 2: Escape

 I have often read that a person has to be really uncomfortable before they are willing to change.  I was never willing to put myself 1st. The end result could be the life I always wanted and needed. However, that kind of change, which seemed impossible, was going to be a hard, long journey filled with resistance, criticism and unknowns.

 But, if I didn't change, I wasn't going to be around anymore.

How do I do the impossible alone?

I made the decision to start Project Me.  I was scared of becoming a new version of myself.  I didn't know where to start.  I needed guidance and support.  I finally broke down and went to a therapist where I had to pay a ton of money out of pocket just for someone to listen to my story.  She told me that I had been conditioned to believe certain things.  OK, I get that.  I asked "How can I get unconditioned?"  She told me I couldn't. When I shared a theory I had about myself, she told me I was wrong.  She was good at helping me go into my past to find painful events.  But, she wasn't helping me move forward.  I felt like there was no hope.  There had to be another way!

Sometimes the Universe will show you exactly what you need to see, when you need to see it.  But, you have to be open to allowing it.

 A few Facebook ads came in my feed over the course of a couple of weeks.  I swear, my phone was listening to me and searching for things to help me (thank you Big Brother phone!  lol).  These ads had different parts of the puzzle that fit in with everything I already knew from being a business coach, data analyst and process improvement consultant.  I learned so much and made so many connections of how all of the pieces could fit together.  I finally saw it!  I understood how I could uncondition my Should Shaming beliefs so I could finally right size my plate of responsibilities and simplify my life so I could Live a Life of Want, Not Should!

 Sharing it with "my people"

I have had such amazing results from the work I have done on myself.  My life is so much better!  I can smile and laugh again.  I can leave work on time!  What?  Yep, it's true!  My relationships are better and my outlook on life is best described as Inspired Elation!

 I was fortunate enough to be able to share some of my techniques with my coaching clients at work.  For some individuals, it didn't resonate.  In a corporate environment, many people believe that feelings and personal struggles are not something to talk about at work. Although, they expressed many feelings and personal struggles during the sessions, they wanted to focus on the nuts and bolts of business instead.  Not a problem.  They were my corporate work clients, but not "my people".

 Some of my corporate clients were definitively "my people." The difference in coaching was amazing!  There were things they had struggled with for years.  But, through coaching after a few sessions they would have their mind blown with a new perspective!  I could always tell when they had the "Aha Moment."  They would laugh so loud and their face would show so much joy!!!  Several have told me that I have helped them change the trajectory of their life.  This feels amazing!

 Reaching out to help more of "my people"

 I decided to start a blog in July 2018 to share all of the pieces of the puzzle that worked for me.  Why?  Um, didn't you see above that I am an overachiever? Ha!  Actually, that is not why.  The relief that I feel from the changes that are happening in my life are amazing!  I wish someone taught me all of this in elementary school.  I could have avoided decades of suffering!  Also, after helping my clients have profound, life changing results, I knew I had the secret sauce.  It's time to spread the love, my friends!

Welcome to My Freedom Grove.  Let's Get Better, Together.

Note: This blog, written by Gretchen Hernandez, originally appeared in 2018 on introspectionsolutions.com

Photo by Ameer Basheer on Unsplash